Imitation as a Form of Habit-Creation

Imitation as a Form of Habit-Creation

As a Teen Life team, we have been reading James Clear’s Atomic Habits. It has been eye-opening not just for forming personal habits, but it has also given me a lot to think about it when it comes to how teenagers form habits and even key beliefs.

It will come as no surprise, but one thing that makes a huge impact on our habits is our environment and the culture we are raised in. We tend to imitate the habits and beliefs around us. Where this becomes an issue for our kids and teenagers is that they don’t get much choice in the home or environment they are raised in.

As adults, we pass on our expectations and rules to the kids in our sphere of influence. We set the habits that they will imitate. We pass on the script of what is important, where they should focus their attention, and how they should behave on a day-to-day basis.

In his book, James Clear talks about several reasons we imitate those around us, but the simple truth is that the most attractive behaviors are those that help us fit in and feel like we are part of the group. He talks about three groups that we tend to imitate: the close, the many, and the powerful. However, when it comes to teenagers, I want to focus on the first two and how we can help our kids imitate the right behaviors at the right time.

Imitating the Close

We all know the couples that start to look like each other the longer they are married. Or the families who have the same mannerisms. The closer we are to someone, the more we are going to take on their habits as our own. This is a great concept when you are surrounded by people who love you and have healthy habits themselves.

We talk a lot about peer pressure for adolescents. But peer pressure is usually only a bad thing when they are surrounded by negative influences. Teenagers might not be able to choose who they live with or how their family acts, but they can choose which friends they spend time with. Who they choose hang out with matters!

It is important that we encourage teenagers to join a culture and group that has positive habits. If they want to be successful in the classroom, they need to find friends who make good grades. If a sport or extracurricular activity is important to them, they should hang out with people who are motivated in the same way. As James says, “Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want to have yourself. You’ll rise together.”

Imitating the Many

In addition to imitating those we are closest too, we also tend to follow the crowd in order to fit in. Think about it – if you are in a situation where you don’t know what to do or where to go, what is your first instinct? You will probably look around and do what the people around you are doing. It is often easier to go with the flow than try to stand out.

This is especially important for teens who live in a world where fitting in impacts social status, friendships, and self-esteem. However, as James Clear points out, “The reward of being accepted is often greater than the reward of winning an argument, looking smart, or finding the truth. Most days, we’d rather be wrong with the crowd than be right by ourselves.”

While we can all admit that there is a pull to get along with others and not rock the boat, it is concerning that we would rather be wrong or change our beliefs than go against the environment we find ourselves in. For teens, going against their culture, school, friends, family, etc. requires more effort than following the habits around them. Which is why sometimes they have to change their environment before they can change a particular habit.

We all have habits we wish to break or create to make us better. Habit-forming is especially important for our teenagers. Some of the habits they create now will stick around for the rest of their lives. While we can’t do the hard work of habit creation for them, here are a few ways you can help make their environment more conducive for positive habits.

  • Create and model healthy habits yourself – have the habits you want your kids or students to imitate.
  • Encourage teens to join groups that share similar passions and goals.
  • Foster a safe environment where teens want to gather – it could be your home, your classroom, or your youth ministry. Let’s help them find positive influences in a safe place!
  • Be intentional about what adults are in your teen’s life. Ask who they would want talk to. Surround them with consistent, caring influences.

Let’s be advocates for teenagers, the environments they are living in, and the habits they are forming!

Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Karlie was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and now is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories. She has gained experience working with teenagers through work, volunteer, and personal opportunities.

Ep. 83: Breathing Techniques & Energy Drinks

Ep. 83: Breathing Techniques & Energy Drinks

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Summary:
Energy drinks have increased in popularity in recent years, especially among teens. But are they really healthier than soft drinks? Chris and Karlie talk about why energy drinks are on the rise and whether or not adolescents should be consuming them.

They’ll also take a look at the most recommended breathing techniques for reducing stress. Controlled breathing is a free, easy-to-implement resource for combatting stress and anxiety. Why not add it to your toolbox?!

Have a question? If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
About Us:
Chris Robey

Chris Robey

CEO

Chris has worked with teens from a variety of backgrounds for over a decade. He has a desire to help teenagers make good choices while also giving their families tools to communicate more effectively as choices are made.

Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Karlie was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and has always had a heart for teenagers and the vulnerable life stage they are in. She has a wealth of experience to share from working with teens in ministry and leading support groups.

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Ep. 24: Healthy Habits & Fall Sports

Ep. 24: Healthy Habits & Fall Sports

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Summary:
How long does it really take to form a new habit? Chris and Karlie talk healthy habits and how to switch good habits for bad habits (00:33). Then they take a look at fall sports and everything that comes with them (11:40), including hoco, foco and expectations. Don’t miss episode 24’s tip on grief either (21:19). This episode is packed with information and tips you won’t want to miss.

Have a question? If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
About Us:
Chris Robey

Chris Robey

CEO

Chris has worked with teens from a variety of backgrounds for over a decade. He has a desire to help teenagers make good choices while also giving their families tools to communicate more effectively as choices are made.
Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Karlie was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and now is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories. She has gained experience working with teenagers through work, volunteer, and personal opportunities.

Follow Us

Trading One Set of Good Things for Another

Trading One Set of Good Things for Another

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was from one of my best friends regarding marriage. This one stuck in my memory for some reason I can’t explain. The advice was prompted by some of my anxieties revolving around leaving the “single life” – something at which I had become adept by virtue of the many years of practice. I was obviously excited about marrying the girl who had become my best friend in life, but I wasn’t really sure what it was going to be like sharing a life with someone else.

The thing is, when we do something new, old things have to pass away. This is a really hard truth as revealed by the millions of broken “resolutions” we find scattered amongst the first few months of the year. We all want to do things better and become better people, but in our efforts we forget my friend’s incredible advice:

“You have to trade one good set of things for another set of good things.” 

This advice was ringing in my ears when I read a recent blog post by Dr. Tim Elmore about some encouraging and discouraging statistics on teenagers. You can read it here. Dr. Elmore outlines some great news on teenagers balanced out with some bad news.

Smoking is down.

Junk food consumption is up.

Sexual activity is down.

So is condom use.

Drinking and driving is down.

Texting while driving is up.

Think if you were a charity or non-profit who worked diligently on the issue of drunk driving and seeing the stats fall, only to see traffic fatalities rise for essentially the same problem – impaired driving. Or if you worked tirelessly on educating youth that smoking kills only to see them eating potato chips for dinner?

Teenagers, like adults, tend to find things to help us cope with life. We all have them. Life is stressful and difficult, and we can’t always be on our “A” game. So, we justify certain behaviors so we can “get by”. After a while, we see the error in this thinking and try to change our unhealthy habits.

The problem is, changing an unhealthy behavior has to be followed with something good. We have to trade one set of things for another set of things. The only caveat is, what are we replacing it with?

I found this idea to be true in my own life recently. Since the beginning of the year I’ve tried to lose some weight (which I have) and clean up my eating (which I….kind of have), and found myself eating good during the day but eating unhealthy before bedtime. It’s like I undo all of the good I’ve done throughout the day with a poor eating choice at night.

And because of that, I struggle to meet my goals. I haven’t really traded anything.

As we walk alongside teenagers, we can’t just tell them to “stop doing things” and offer no real alternative or better path. Human beings tend to cope. And if we can’t find healthier ways to cope, we will only find other unhealthy ways.

We can’t get mad at teenagers or disparage an entire generation because they kind of act like us sometimes. Let’s help teenagers find ways to exchange an unhealthy set of behaviors for something good, sustainable, and life-bringing.

For more on this, I’d encourage you to read Dr. Elmore’s brief post about how we use these findings to bring about healthy change with our teenage friends. 

Chris Robey, Teen Life’s COO, has worked with teens for over a decade and strives to help students see the best in themselves.