A Few Words on Courage

A Few Words on Courage

The older I get, the more I think it’s all about courage. When we find new and creative ways to instill courage into the lives of our kids – they win.

And, I’m not really talking about “getting ahead”. I’m talking about the small things of life.

Tests.

Telling the truth.

Looking out for the little guy.

Trying something new.

Saying you are sorry.

And, meaning it.

Putting the work in.

Taking responsibility.

Showing up.

Leaving.

Failing.

Getting back up.

Trying again.

************************

Teenagers, of all the people in this world, are positioned well to live with courage. For the most part, people don’t depend on them for their livelihood, so they can explore, make mistakes, and pivot when necessary. Within the bounds of the law, the consequences for failing tend to be less than adults who have families and careers. Teenagers tend to see the world with more naive and hopeful eyes – issues that can be solved or addressed with just one good idea. While those who are older roll their eyes and pat on the head – teenagers seem to expect their actions to actually make a difference and change environments.

The adolescent years are the perfect space to live courageously and with meaning. Those who do gain experiences and tools to do so as adults with families and careers. They know what it means to try and fail, doing so with the protection and support of the loving adults in their lives.

That’s where you come in. When the teenager you love comes to you with a wild and crazy idea – help them figure it out. Support them. Ask good questions. Help them take it a step further.

What would things look like if we lived with a little more courage? What would it look like for the teenagers in your life to be more courageous?

I think we can all agree on that answer.

Chris Robey, Teen Life’s Program Director, has worked with teens for over a decade and strives to help students see the best in themselves.
4 Ways the “Check-In” Transforms Relationships

4 Ways the “Check-In” Transforms Relationships

Listen & Subscribe:  iTunes | Android | RSS


 

 In this first episode of Season 3 of the Stay Calm, Don’t Panic! Podcast, Chris sits down with Dr. Mark DeYoung to talk about the importance and power of the check-in. Talking to teenagers is about more than just getting information, it can build relationships and help them find their own identity. You don’t want to miss these tips on how to make the most of the check-in!

[bctt tweet=”It is in empathy that teens start to understand who they are. // @drmarkdeyoung & @dontpanictalk”]

In this episode, Dr. Mark DeYoung discusses…

  1. The importance of the check-in for building relationships.
  2. How empathy can help teens shape their own self identity.
  3. The benefit of asking teens how they are doing as a regular part of routine.
  4. How to best deal with answers like “I don’t know” and “I’m just fine.”
Ask yourself…
  • Am I asking questions or making statements?
  • Do I have an agenda when asking this question? Or am I just seeking to understand?
  • Is this a good time to have a conversation? Or should I try again later?
Go ask a teen…
  • What was your favorite part of your day?
  • Was there something that made you laugh today?
  • How upset/happy did that make you feel on a scale of 1 to 10? What makes it that number? Can you tell me a little more?
Resources:

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

About Us:

Dr. Mark DeYoung is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over eighteen years experience counseling and helping families and children. His BA is in Human Resources, and Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. He completed his PhD in Child Development in the spring of 2008. He currently provides In-Home counseling services for families in the Fort Worth region of North Texas. His private practice includes the following counseling services: Marriage Therapy, Family Therapy, Foster family therapy, Adoption work, Parenting support and coaching.

Chris Robey is the Program Director for Teen Life. Earlier in his career while working as a youth minister, Chris earned a Masters Degree in Family Life Education from Lubbock Christian University to better equip his work with teenagers and families. Chris’ career and educational opportunities have exposed him to teenagers from a variety of backgrounds. Follow him on Twitter!

Karlie Duke started working as Teen Life’s Communications Director after graduating from Abilene Christian University with a degree in Communications with a minor in Family Studies. Karlie has worked with teenagers for the past 5 years and is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories. Follow her on Twitter or Instagram!

Have a question?
If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
How We Deal with “The Bad Kids” Part 3

How We Deal with “The Bad Kids” Part 3

It is hard to imagine a disciplinary process in a school, church, or any other organization dealing with students that isn’t anchored by the threat of punitive action. For so many who are parents, it is hard to think about losing the trump card of grounding or punishment as a motivator for following the rules. As I stated in my original post, most adults in positions of authority tend to go with the most pragmatic approach to discipline, not really thinking about the long-term implications.

As adults, we tend to believe we have the best solution to the problem at hand. If a student steals property from another student, it is up to us to make sure the thief is punished appropriately and the other student gets their stuff back. We want to administer whatever form of justice we feel is swift, sure, and will insure that we can clean it up and move on. Our sense of justice is confirmed often when someone pays the price.

What if there was another way? Could there possibly be a disciplinary model promoting the long-term welfare of the student, accountability to agreed upon standards of classroom conduct, as well as respecting the developmental and social needs of adolescent?

Perhaps a model to consider is that of Restorative Discipline, an off-shoot of the Restorative Justice movement. Restorative Discipline (RD) is a systematic approach to dealing with student infractions and disciplinary issues. Central to this philosophy is the idea of “circling” students in various ways throughout the school day. Teachers are trained in the circling model as the first place students will interact with this form of accountability.

A circle is pretty simple. Basically it is a process where students create literal circles around certain parts of the day, or because of an issue, and no one person (including the teacher) is more important than the other. Everyone has the chance to talk and voice their concerns or opinions. Typically there is something called a “talking piece” (an agreed upon object that, when held indicates a student’s turn to talk) and a few other simple elements. In the classroom, circling is used typically at the first of the week, mid-week, and as a means to close out the week. Sometimes classroom circles occupy the beginning of every day as a means of checking in.

The bedrock of any circle (or any group for that matter) is agreed upon norms, rules, or expectations. In other words, what does the group need to be safe, functional, and an effective learning environment. The entire circle will create a group of norms and those will be posted somewhere in the classroom.

For example, if one of the norms is, “We will respect the right of students to learn,” a common student infraction like being disruptive in class or talking out of turn is dealt with on the basis of the norm and the group instead of outsourcing the discipline to the principal. The group is circled and the problem is addressed with dialogue, respect, and accountability.

There are some more specific circling techniques for more serious infractions that include administration, the accused, and the victim (when appropriate). These cases have a framework for conversation that helps both sides understand what happened, find a way to resolve the conflict, and figure out how to make things right moving forward. Often, family circles can be included by involving parents in the process.

What is so unique about this disciplinary approach is the goal of keeping as many students on their main campus as possible and creating a learning environment based upon respect, restoration, and problem solving.

There are so many aspects to this model, and I am still trying to get my head around how this would work on the many campuses I am on each week. Some of it seems idealistic, but often idealism is a better place to start than the alternative. This approach has been around a long time in theory, but only recently began to be implemented by educators. There are some pilot schools working on this approach in our state of Texas, but the vast majority are still working on the old punitive system.

Do yourself a favor and do some reading on this model. See if it is something you can push for in your community. If you are a youth pastor, consider making this your model of discipline among your students.

For a thorough list of resources, check out the Institute for Restorative Justice and Restorative Dialogue. Let us know what you think!

Chris Robey, Teen Life’s Program Director, has worked with teens for over a decade and strives to help students see the best in themselves.
It’s Not the Teacher’s Fault

It’s Not the Teacher’s Fault

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this. Mainly from students but also from parents who see the teacher as the problem in a particular class. I have to admit, I have even said the same thing when I was in school.

Even though this is an easy thing to fall back on, I have never felt comfortable (and the more I work with teachers and schools, I feel less and less comfortable) with this mentality. The problem has been that I didn’t know how to process this mentality in order to make it better, much less how to communicate to people how they too could shift their perspective, stop blaming and start making positive progress.

That is until recently. I just finished a book called Extreme Leadership. It is a business book, but the last principle they talk about in the book helped me begin to clarify why the idea that the teacher is the problem doesn’t compute for me, and I hope it won’t for you either.

In my experience talking with and dealing with teachers, they are smart people. They have put in hard work in school and the teaching exam in their state. Not to mention, they are often under paid but put in extra work so that the students they work with get the education they need. That being the case, I have not met a teacher who wants students to fail. If for no other reason, they don’t want a difficult student in their class a second time! But mainly because if they fail students, it is a reflection on them. I don’t mean to be naive here, I know there are some teachers out there that are in it for the wrong reasons, but they are the minority by far.

If we see it from this perspective, then what do we do when our student is falling or struggling with a particular subject or class? I believe the principle that is outlined in Extreme Leadership helps point us in the right direction.

This principle is the idea of leading up and down the chain of command. In the military, this means that subordinates must learn to lead up to their commanders in appropriate, helpful ways. The most clear definition of this is that if a group leader has been tasked with a mission, it is up to him to make his commanding officer(s) aware of the resources he needs to carry out that mission. If the commanding officer has to ask for more information, it is because the squad leader did not provide enough information to begin with.

An application to a student-teacher relationship looks very different, but it’s not about the details of the situations. It’s about the principle that makes this work.

If a student is failing, it is because there is a lack of understanding on the student’s part as to the requirements of the task or the details of the lesson. Because teachers make the lesson plan and have their own way of learning things that drives how they teach, a student may need to get creative in how they ask for clarification. So it is up to the student (and a parent helping them) to get creative in how they seek help from the teacher. The hope is that they help the teacher give them the information they need by being very clear on what is not making sense to them.

I do understand this sounds like a backwards approach. Isn’t it up to the teacher to be clear, teach, and make sure that students get the lesson they need? Well, yes, but this is about more then one class or lesson. This is about learning more than a subject; it is about learning how to deal with people, to expand your brain power to think about how you can contribute to the solution instead of focusing on the problem.

What would happen if you shifted your perspective to one that says, “I’m going to own the problem and find a solution.” rather then “It’s the teachers fault!”? What ideas do you have for dealing with difficult people or situations that are different then our reactionary response?

Ricky Lewis is a long-time supporter and friend of Teen Life. He was the Executive Director for many years and continues to be an asset to our community. As a father of 7, he seeks to help parents and their kids Live Life Better.

Don’t Panic – Get Involved in Schools!

Don’t Panic – Get Involved in Schools!

 Listen & Subscribe

YouTube


 

School is a major part of every teenager’s life. It is also the best way to serve and reach students on their turf. In this episode, Chris and Karlie discuss the importance of adult involvement in schools and how you can be a resource to your community. Don’t panic about the current state of our teenagers and their schools, let’s get involved and start making a difference by reaching out to public schools!

In this episode, you’ll find out…

  • Why it is important to volunteer and get involved in your local school.
  • How school involvement benefits both the school staff and the students.
  • Real-life examples of ways to get involved in schools.
  • 3 different stories of how people in our community our reaching out to schools.
  • A 3-step process to volunteering on a school campus.

Ask yourself…

  • Is there a school close by that I would like to get involved with?
  • What skills or services could I offer to my local school?

Go ask a school campus…

  • Do you have a volunteer coordinator that I can get in touch with?
  • How can I help?
  • What can I do to support your staff and students?

Resources

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:
Chris Robey
Chris Robey

Former CEO

Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Have a question?

If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!