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Spreading Christmas Cheer

Spreading Christmas Cheer

by | Dec 8, 2016 | Holidays, Mental Health, Parenting

Christmas is one of my very favorite times of the year. I love the movies, the music and all the fun decorations that come with this season. It is a time of year that is filled with joy and laughter. It’s when teenagers get a break from school and college students finally get to come home for more than a long weekend. For my family, it means watching White Christmas, decorating the tree as a family and reading The Polar Express. It truly is (in my opinion) the most wonderful time of the year!

Hopefully you read our blog around Thanksgiving about Promoting Thankfulness, but I would like to think of this as a follow up piece for the next holiday! While it is important to make teenagers a part of the Thanksgiving season, it is just as important to give them a place and purpose during Christmas-time.

So how can we involve our teenagers? How can we help them give back on limited budgets and limited attention spans? Instead of getting frustrated when they don’t jump up to contribute, let’s get creative and come up with ways to involve our younger friends.

 

Let them pick the presents. 

Do you typically buy presents for your spouse or other children and say it’s from your teenager? Instead of just putting their name on the gift tag, involve your teenager in the present picking process. Ask them, “What do you think dad would like this year?” Whether you give them a budget and let them buy the present or just ask for their input, it makes them more invested in the giving part of the holiday.

You have a great opportunity to start training your teenager on how to pick out thoughtful gifts. Their wife or husband will thank you one day for the groundwork you are laying by involving them in this one simple thing.

 

Do a gift exchange. 

If your teenager has a limited budget and can’t afford gifts for the whole family, do a gift exchange. Maybe make this a Christmas Eve tradition! Have each family member draw a name and pick out a present for that person. It would also be a good idea to set a budget for everyone (ex. only presents that are under $20). This gives them the opportunity to pick out a special gift for at least one person each year and the fun part is that it changes each year you do it!

Another similar idea would be to do a Secret Santa leading up to Christmas. Have each family member draw a name on December 1st and ask them to surprise their person with at least 3 little gifts before Christmas. These could be simple gifts like a favorite sonic drink, a small basket of candy, a $5 gift card to their favorite fast food restaurant, or a pair of super comfy socks! The mystery and fun of picking out surprises is a small way to get them involved. For either of these options, try this site to pick the names!

 

Give gifts from the heart.

Make a tradition of doing at least one present that doesn’t cost any money but is just as thoughtful. Encourage everyone to make a gift, or give something that takes time instead of money. Here are a few ideas for teenagers:

  • Chore card – offer to do one chore that is usually done by someone else for a week.
  • Create a CD or playlist full of songs you think that person will love
  • Decorate a journal and write notes or encouragement
  • Date night – offer to watch the other kids so your parents can go out
  • TV control card – let another person pick the movie or tv show for 5 nights of their choosing

Even if it doesn’t cost money, the thought that they put into these presents will make them even more valuable.

 

Come up with a new tradition. 

Finally, ask your teenager to give up time instead of money. If you already have too many Christmas traditions, maybe you should skip this idea, or you could swap a tradition instead. I would suggest that you have your teenager come up with a tradition. Not only will it then be something that they will be more inclined to do, but when they complain about having other plans or not wanting to be home that night, you can remind them that it was their idea!

I love Christmas traditions, but they often come from traditions your family had when you were little or things that you decided on before you even had kids. Let your teenagers take ownership of this holiday and ask what they want to do! Do they want to watch a certain movie every year? Or look at Christmas lights? Or have breakfast for dinner and hot chocolate? Make it fun and something they want to do!

Do you think your teenager will like any of these ideas? What other ways do you get your kids involved in the holiday season? Please share them with us below!

Karlie Duke was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and now is our Communications Director. She is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories.
The Future of America

The Future of America

by | Oct 27, 2016 | Events, Mental Health, Parenting, Resources

It’s that time again… election season.

Election time politics means many things:

  • The media is full of candidates, debates and campaign ads.
  • Our Facebook feeds only consist of articles about why you should vote for him or her.
  • Adults are stressed and concerned about the future of our nation.
  • TV become extra nasty with debates and “approved messages”.

And where does this leave our teenagers? For many, they are finally old enough to be aware of what is happening, but they don’t have any power if they are under 18. For some, it is their first time to get to vote! They are excited, confused, and overwhelmed.

Teen Life exists to provide a safe place for teenagers to have difficult conversations.

What is more difficult than politics?

As a parent, teacher, counselor or mentor, you have an incredible opportunity to model for teenagers how to have difficult discussions in a safe environment. Take this time to have discussions and allow them to ask questions. They don’t have to agree with you, and you don’t need to lecture, but bring them along on this political journey so that they are prepared when it is their turn to vote.

Voting for the future President of the United States of America is important.

Educating and raising up a new generation of Americans is just as important. This election season, let’s take the time to consider teenagers. Talk to them about candidates, why you choose to vote, and who you choose to vote for.

Here are a few steps to involve your teenager in the voting process:

Talk about the issues.

What policies are important to you? What beliefs do your family hold?

How do you feel about:

  • Abortion
  • Equal Pay
  • Gun Control
  • Same Sex Marriage
  • Obamacare
  • National Debt
  • Marijuana Legalization
  • Syrian Refugees
  • Nuclear Energy

These are just some of the important policies that could be affected by this election. The first step to educating your teenager should be to make sure they are aware of all sides. Present the facts, have a civil conversation, and allow them to ask questions and draw their own conclusions.

Consider the candidates.

Now that you have talked about the issues and policies, who should you vote for? Are you Republican, Democrat, Libertarian? Will you vote based on a candidate’s beliefs or likability?

If you haven’t already, go to isidewith.com to see how your views line up with the current candidates. Take this quiz with your teenager and then let them take it themselves. It is a great resource and way to talk about the candidates in a format that teenagers will find interesting. Instead of pulling out charts and news articles, let them actively be involved in their choice.

Be prepared to vote.

Now you have discussed the issues and looked at all the candidates! But part of the voting process is making sure that you are ready to vote. Since every state has different requirements, look up your state voting information here.

Here are some things to consider before November 8th:

  • Are you registered to vote?
  • Do you need to submit an absentee ballot? (Check the deadline – it’s soon!)
  • Would you like to vote early?
  • Where do you go to vote? You can find that information here with your address.
  • Do you have a valid ID to vote?

Walk teenagers through this process so that they are prepared and informed for their opportunity to vote.

Let’s show this next generation of voters that they can have a voice. They can be calm and well-informed. They can have the impact of the future of our nation. Have you talked to your teenager about the election? How else can we involve them in this process? Share with us and share this post with a friend!
Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Dr. Mark DeYoung Talks Anxiety

Dr. Mark DeYoung Talks Anxiety

by | Oct 4, 2016 | Anxiety, Mental Health, Podcast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

 Listen & Subscribe

YouTube

How to help a teenager with anxiety

What is anxiety? And how can we help a teenager with anxiety? These questions are more are answered in an interview Dr. Mark DeYoung.

We are shedding light on a topic that can be easily misunderstood. Don’t overlook teen anxiety or panic. There are steps that you can take today!

In this episode, you’ll find out…

  • What is anxiety?
  • How anxiety is different from depression.
  • How anxiety specifically affects teenagers.
  • Some symptoms of anxiety to keep an eye on.
  • Coping skills that teens lack and how to help them succeed.

Ask yourself…

  • Am I really listening or just offering advice?
  • How can I help take some pressure off of teenagers?
  • Am I modeling positive boundaries and stress coping skills in my own life?
Teens need our ears more than they need our advice.
Dr. Mark DeYoung

Go ask a teen…

  • I’ve noticed that you’ve been acting different. What’s going on?
  • What boundaries can you put in place to take some stress off?
  • When you feel anxious, what is a positive thing that seems to help?

Resources:

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

Have a question?

If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
Dr. Mark DeYoung

Dr. Mark DeYoung

Special Guest

Chris Robey
Chris Robey

Former CEO

Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

More Resources You Might Like

Episode 103 Anxiety & Gap Years
Episode 19: Back to School Anxiety and Simone Biles
Title Image: Depression & Lemon8

Carrie Gurley Talks Dating Violence

Carrie Gurley Talks Dating Violence

by | Sep 20, 2016 | Mental Health, Parenting, Podcast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

 Listen & Subscribe

YouTube

What can we do about dating violence?

Dating violence is something we often hear about but don’t know what to do. Surely I don’t know a teenager in an abusive relationship! In this episode, Carrie Gurley defines dating violence and gives tips for how we can become more educated and better prepared to walk teenagers through difficult relationships. Aren’t sure where to start with dating violence? Don’t panic!

Never underestimate the influence you can have in a teen’s life just because you care!

In this episode, you’ll find out…

  • What dating violence is and how it is seen among teenagers.
  • Ways to teenagers can be protected from abusive relationships.
  • Some ways to support a teen who is in a violent relationship.
  • Warning signs that a teenager might be in an unhealthy relationship.
  • Long term consequences because of dating violence.

Ask yourself…

  • Have I noticed any concerning changes in the behavior of a teen?
  • Am I willing to listen without judgment?

Go ask a teen…

  • What boundaries have you put on your relationship? How is that going?
  • Does your school talk about dating violence?
  • What would you do if your best friend was in a violent relationship?

Resources:

Have a question?

If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Chris Robey
Chris Robey

Former CEO

Carrie Gurley

Carrie Gurley

Special Guest

It’s Not the Teacher’s Fault

It’s Not the Teacher’s Fault

by | Jul 14, 2016 | Mental Health, Parenting

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this. Mainly from students but also from parents who see the teacher as the problem in a particular class. I have to admit, I have even said the same thing when I was in school.

Even though this is an easy thing to fall back on, I have never felt comfortable (and the more I work with teachers and schools, I feel less and less comfortable) with this mentality. The problem has been that I didn’t know how to process this mentality in order to make it better, much less how to communicate to people how they too could shift their perspective, stop blaming and start making positive progress.

That is until recently. I just finished a book called Extreme Leadership. It is a business book, but the last principle they talk about in the book helped me begin to clarify why the idea that the teacher is the problem doesn’t compute for me, and I hope it won’t for you either.

In my experience talking with and dealing with teachers, they are smart people. They have put in hard work in school and the teaching exam in their state. Not to mention, they are often under paid but put in extra work so that the students they work with get the education they need. That being the case, I have not met a teacher who wants students to fail. If for no other reason, they don’t want a difficult student in their class a second time! But mainly because if they fail students, it is a reflection on them. I don’t mean to be naive here, I know there are some teachers out there that are in it for the wrong reasons, but they are the minority by far.

If we see it from this perspective, then what do we do when our student is falling or struggling with a particular subject or class? I believe the principle that is outlined in Extreme Leadership helps point us in the right direction.

This principle is the idea of leading up and down the chain of command. In the military, this means that subordinates must learn to lead up to their commanders in appropriate, helpful ways. The most clear definition of this is that if a group leader has been tasked with a mission, it is up to him to make his commanding officer(s) aware of the resources he needs to carry out that mission. If the commanding officer has to ask for more information, it is because the squad leader did not provide enough information to begin with.

An application to a student-teacher relationship looks very different, but it’s not about the details of the situations. It’s about the principle that makes this work.

If a student is failing, it is because there is a lack of understanding on the student’s part as to the requirements of the task or the details of the lesson. Because teachers make the lesson plan and have their own way of learning things that drives how they teach, a student may need to get creative in how they ask for clarification. So it is up to the student (and a parent helping them) to get creative in how they seek help from the teacher. The hope is that they help the teacher give them the information they need by being very clear on what is not making sense to them.

I do understand this sounds like a backwards approach. Isn’t it up to the teacher to be clear, teach, and make sure that students get the lesson they need? Well, yes, but this is about more then one class or lesson. This is about learning more than a subject; it is about learning how to deal with people, to expand your brain power to think about how you can contribute to the solution instead of focusing on the problem.

What would happen if you shifted your perspective to one that says, “I’m going to own the problem and find a solution.” rather then “It’s the teachers fault!”? What ideas do you have for dealing with difficult people or situations that are different then our reactionary response?

Ricky Lewis is a long-time supporter and friend of Teen Life. He was the Executive Director for many years and continues to be an asset to our community. As a father of 7, he seeks to help parents and their kids Live Life Better.