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Teen Mental Health Update 2026

Teen Mental Health Update 2026

by | May 12, 2026 | Blog, Mental Health

What the Latest Research Says About Teen Mental Health and Why It Matters

From finals pressure to fear of the future — understanding what’s really happening in the minds of today’s teenagers.

Mental health among teenagers isn’t just a trending topic: it’s a measurable, documented crisis. And May, Mental Health Awareness Month, is exactly the right moment to look honestly at what the research tells us.

Adolescence has always been turbulent. But something has shifted. The data now shows that today’s teenagers are navigating a uniquely high-pressure landscape — one that combines ancient emotional struggles with entirely new stressors no previous generation ever faced.

The Numbers We Can’t Ignore

The statistics on teen mental health paint a sobering picture. Understanding the scale of the issue is the first step toward addressing it.

  • 1 in 5 U.S. teens experiences a serious mental health condition each year;
  • 40% of high schoolers report persistent feelings of hopelessness;
  • 60% of teens with depression do not receive any professional treatment;
  • 3× increase in teen anxiety disorders over the past two decades.

These aren’t abstract numbers. They represent real teenagers in classrooms, in families, in communities — many of them silently struggling while trying to keep up with an overwhelming set of expectations.

What’s Driving the Pressure?

Researchers have identified a constellation of stressors that are particularly intense for today’s adolescents. Many peak at the end of the school year, making spring one of the most mentally taxing seasons of a teenager’s life.

 

  • Academic performance and finals:

    End-of-year exams compress months of learning into a few high-stakes days. Studies show cortisol levels in teens spike significantly during finals periods — comparable to levels seen in adults under major work stress.
  • College and future uncertainty:

    The pressure to have a clear life plan at 17 or 18 is immense. Research links college application anxiety to significant increases in depression and generalized anxiety disorder in high school juniors and seniors.
  • Social media and comparison culture:

    Teens are exposed to curated highlight reels of peers’ lives 24/7. A landmark 2023 study found that daily social media use of more than 3 hours was associated with a doubled risk of depression and anxiety symptoms.
  • World events and eco-anxiety:

    Today’s teens are acutely aware of global challenges — from climate change to geopolitical instability. Researchers have identified a specific form of climate-related anxiety now prevalent among teenagers worldwide.

The Brain Science Behind Teen Stress

Understanding why teens are particularly vulnerable requires a basic understanding of adolescent neuroscience. The teenage brain is, quite literally, under construction.

The prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain responsible for emotional regulation, impulse control, and long-term planning — isn’t fully developed until the mid-20s. This means teenagers are processing intense emotions with neurological equipment that isn’t yet complete.

At the same time, the brain’s emotional center (the amygdala) is highly active during adolescence. This combination creates a period of heightened emotional reactivity and vulnerability to stress — especially the performance-based, socially loaded stress that comes with end-of-year school pressures.

Sleep Deprivation as a Hidden Crisis

Research consistently shows that most teens are significantly sleep-deprived. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends 8–10 hours of sleep for teenagers — yet studies show the average teen gets around 6.5. During finals season, this often drops further.

This matters immensely because sleep deprivation doesn’t just cause tiredness.

In teenagers, it’s directly linked to increased rates of anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and impaired emotional processing. Poor sleep and poor mental health feed each other in a dangerous cycle.

The Gender Gap in Teen Mental Health

The research reveals stark disparities across gender lines. Adolescent girls are experiencing particularly sharp increases in depression, anxiety, and self-harm rates. Between 2009 and 2021, emergency room visits for self-harm among teen girls increased by more than 150%.

“We are watching a generation of young women emerge into adulthood under levels of psychological pressure that are genuinely unprecedented. The research is unambiguous — this is a public health emergency.”

Dr. Jean Twenge

San Diego State University, author of iGen

Teen boys, while showing lower rates of internalized conditions like depression, are experiencing rising rates of behavioral issues, social isolation, and are significantly less likely to seek help. The stigma around male mental health remains one of the largest barriers to treatment.

What makes this (school) year-end period particularly risky?

Spring represents a perfect storm for teen mental health. Finals arrive simultaneously with: College decision deadlines, athletic season endings, friend group transitions, prom and social events, sleep disruption from longer days, and the looming reality of summer, which for many teens means losing the structure, social connection, and sense of purpose that school provides.

Transitions, even positive ones, are inherently destabilizing.

Why it matters and what we need to change

The research is clear: untreated adolescent mental health conditions don’t simply resolve with time. They follow young people into adulthood, shaping their relationships, careers, and overall well-being for decades. Early intervention changes outcomes dramatically.

What does the evidence support?

School-based mental health programs

Studies show that embedding counselors and mindfulness programs in schools reduces anxiety and improves academic outcomes — particularly for low-income students with limited access to outside support. We’ve seen the results first-hand with Teen Life Support Groups!

Open family communication

Research consistently finds that teens who feel able to talk to at least one trusted adult are significantly more resilient. The relationship doesn’t need to be perfect — it needs to be safe.

Later school start times

Districts that have pushed start times to 8:30 AM or later have seen measurable reductions in teen depression, accidents, and absenteeism. The American Academy of Pediatrics considers this one of the most evidence-backed policy changes available.

Teen mental health is not a niche concern or a parenting trend. It is a measurable crisis with documented causes and evidence-based solutions. This Mental Health Awareness Month, the most meaningful thing we can do is take the research seriously — and act on it.

Supporting Teens Through Specific Pressures

Finals and academic stress

Help teens build structured, realistic study plans rather than marathon cramming sessions. Encourage breaks. Remind them that one exam — or one semester — does not define their future. If anxiety is impairing their ability to function academically, that’s a signal to seek support, not push harder.

College and future uncertainty

One of the cruelest pressures on today’s teens is the expectation that they have their life figured out at 17. Be honest with them: most adults changed direction multiple times. A college decision — or even a gap year — is not a final verdict on a life.

When a peer is struggling

Teens often tell friends before they tell adults. If your teenager comes to you about a friend who is struggling, take it seriously. Help them understand they don’t have to carry it alone — and that telling a trusted adult is not betrayal. It’s love.

The teenagers in your life don’t need you to be perfect. They need to know that when things get hard, when finals feel impossible, and the future feels terrifying, there is someone who will not look away. Be that person. It is enough.

Nino Elliott
Nino Elliott

Executive Director

Sources Used/Cited

1 Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). 2023 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH). SAMHSA data found that in 2023, 18% of adolescents aged 12–17 had a past-year major depressive episode, 12% had serious thoughts of suicide, and 3% attempted suicide in the past year. https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/new-reports-examine-trends-in-youth-mental-health American Psychiatric Association

2 Annie E. Casey Foundation. Youth Mental Health Statistics in 2024 (2024). The 2023 CDC Youth Risk Behavior Survey found that 2 in 5 (40%) high schoolers report persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness — a figure that is particularly high among girls (53%) and LGBTQ+ youth (65%), and represents a 10-percentage-point spike from 30% in 2013. https://www.aecf.org/blog/youth-mental-health-statistics The Annie E. Casey Foundation

3 Sappenfield O, Alberto C, Minnaert J, et al. Adolescent Mental and Behavioral Health, 2023. National Survey of Children’s Health Data Briefs. HRSA, October 2024. Between 2016 and 2023, the prevalence of diagnosed mental or behavioral health conditions among adolescents rose 35%, with diagnosed anxiety increasing 61% and depression 45% over that same period. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK608531/ NCBI

4 CDC. Youth Risk Behavior Survey: Data Summary and Trends Report, 2013–2023 (2024). https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2024/p0806-youth-mental-health.html

5 Riehm KE, et al. Associations between time spent using social media and internalizing and externalizing problems among US youth. JAMA Psychiatry, 2019. Cited in: U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory — Social Media and Youth Mental Health (2023). Children and adolescents who spend more than 3 hours a day on social media face double the risk of mental health problems, including symptoms of depression and anxiety. https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/reports-and-publications/youth-mental-health/social-media/index.html U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

6 Casey BJ, Jones RM, Hare TA. The Adolescent Brain. PMC/NIH, 2008. Brain imaging and animal studies show heightened responsiveness to emotional and incentive-based stimuli during adolescence, at a time when impulse control systems in the prefrontal cortex are still relatively immature. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2475802/ PubMed Central

7 Hartley CA, Somerville LH. Neurocognitive bases of emotion regulation development in adolescence. ScienceDirect, 2015. Brain regions involved in affect generation and regulation — including the limbic system and prefrontal cortex — undergo protracted structural and functional development during adolescence, a period of increasing vulnerability to depression and anxiety. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1878929315000717 ScienceDirect

8 American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). School Start Times for Adolescents. Pediatrics, 2014. A substantial body of research has demonstrated that delaying school start times is an effective countermeasure to chronic sleep loss and offers wide-ranging benefits to students’ physical and mental health, safety, and academic achievement. https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/134/3/642/74175/School-Start-Times-for-Adolescents American Academy of Pediatrics

9 Mercado MC, Holland K, Leemis RW, et al. Trends in Emergency Department Visits for Nonfatal Self-Inflicted Injuries Among Youth Aged 10–24 Years in the United States, 2001–2015. JAMA, 2017. Cited in: National Center for Health Research. A 2017 study of 66 U.S. hospitals found that ER admissions for self-injury among girls began rising in 2009, with the largest increase — nearly 19% — occurring among girls ages 10–14. https://www.center4research.org/self-injury-increasing-teenage-girls-can-parents/ National Center for Health Research

10 American Psychological Association. Schools shift as evidence mounts that later start times improve teens’ learning and well-being (2024). Research indicates that later school start times correlate with more sleep, better academic performance, and broad mental and physical health benefits — and more than 500 school districts have moved start times later in response to the evidence. https://www.apa.org/topics/children/school-start-times APA

More Resources You Might Like

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Staying Mentally Healthy While Working with Teens

Staying Mentally Healthy While Working with Teens

by | May 14, 2025 | Blog, Mental Health, Personal Development

How to protect your mental health as youth workers, mentors, parents, and teachers

Working with teens can be one of the most rewarding experiences — and also one of the most challenging.

To maintain good mental health while supporting teens, it’s important to prioritize self-care, establish healthy boundaries, and seek help when you need it. Creating a safe, supportive environment for teens to share their thoughts and feelings can make a huge difference. (Read: Clear boundaries are better for everyone!)

At the same time, keeping an eye on your own stress levels and making time to recharge through relaxing activities is key.

Here’s a closer look at how you can stay mentally healthy while working with teens:

1. Prioritize Self-Care

Set Boundaries:

It’s easy to blur the lines between your personal life and your work with teens, but setting clear boundaries is essential. Protect your downtime so you can return to your role with renewed energy and compassion. Remember: you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Practice Self-Compassion:

You’re only human. Acknowledge your own feelings, frustrations, and needs. Give yourself grace, and know it’s okay to ask for help. Taking care of your emotional health isn’t a luxury — it’s a necessity.

Engage in Activities You Enjoy:

Make space in your schedule for activities that bring you joy, whether it’s reading, hiking, painting, or playing music. These hobbies aren’t just fun; they’re powerful tools for managing stress and keeping your spirits high.

Seek Support:

Don’t underestimate the value of a good support system. Regular check-ins with friends, family, or a therapist can provide emotional release, new perspectives, and encouragement when challenges arise.

2. Foster a Supportive Environment for Teens

Create a Safe Space:

Teens are much more likely to open up when they feel safe and accepted. Strive to create an environment that is non-judgmental, welcoming, and affirming of their experiences.

Active Listening:

Really listen — not just to the words teens say, but to the feelings behind them. Make eye contact, nod, and reflect back what you’re hearing. Validating a teen’s experience builds trust and helps them feel truly heard.

Empathy and Understanding:

Step into their shoes. Teens face a unique set of challenges that may seem minor to adults but feel monumental to them. Showing empathy can deepen your connection and foster mutual respect.

Encourage Problem-Solving:

Rather than jumping in to fix every problem, support teens in finding their own solutions. This not only empowers them but also helps them build resilience and critical thinking skills.

3. Be Mindful of Your Own Well-Being

Recognize Stress:

Pay attention to warning signs like fatigue, irritability, or trouble concentrating. These can be signals that it’s time to slow down and prioritize your own mental health.

Manage Stress:

Incorporate relaxation techniques into your routine, like deep breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga. Even a few minutes a day can make a meaningful difference in calming your mind and re-centering your energy.

Seek Professional Help:

If you’re finding it hard to manage stress or emotional struggles on your own, reaching out to a therapist or counselor is a strong and healthy choice. Remember, caring for yourself allows you to care for others more effectively.

4. Encourage Healthy Habits in Teens

Promote Healthy Routines:

Help teens establish routines that prioritize sleep, nutrition, exercise, and downtime. Consistency in these areas can greatly impact their mood and ability to cope with challenges.

Model Positive Behaviors:

Your actions speak louder than words. When teens see you setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and seeking help when needed, they learn to do the same.

Educate on Mental Health:

Openly talk about mental health, why it matters, and how to spot the signs of a mental health challenge. The more we normalize these conversations, the more empowered teens will feel to seek help if they need it.

Protecting your mental health isn’t selfish; it’s smart.

By protecting your own mental health, you can create a more supportive and nurturing environment for the teens you work with. Taking care of yourself isn’t just good for you; it’s one of the best things you can do for the teens who look up to you.

Kelly Fann
Kelly Fann

Digital Media Manager

More Resources You Might Like

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When Teens Refuse Help | Ep. 176

When Teens Refuse Help | Ep. 176

by | Apr 22, 2025 | Drugs & Alcohol, Mental Health, Parenting, Podcast, Resources, Suicide

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How can we encourage teens to seek help when they just don’t want to?

Sometimes the young people in our lives are clearly struggling, and it’s heartbreaking to watch them turn away from the support they need.

We’ve been there, too.

What do you do when a teen refuses help? We explore why they might be reluctant, and more importantly, how we can create the kind of connection and environment that makes seeking help feel safe and empowering.

Key Question

How can I encourage a teen to get help who doesn’t want help?

What We Cover

00:00  Understanding Teen Resistance to Help
03:04  Building Trust and Support
06:00  Normalizing Help-Seeking Behavior
09:01  Empowering Teens with Choices
12:06  Navigating Safety Concerns
14:54  Resources and Final Thoughts

Why Do Teens Refuse Help?

Teens may resist getting help for a variety of reasons, including:

Fear of Judgment

They worry about being seen as weak or “broken.”

Lack of Trust

Past experiences with adults minimizing their feelings make them hesitant.

Desire for Independence

Admitting they need help can feel like failure.

Unfamiliarity with Help

Therapy, counseling, or even just talking to someone might feel intimidating.

Perspective Shift

Instead of saying, “You need help,” try “You deserve support.”

Strategies to Encourage Help-Seeking

Build Trust Before Pushing Help

Rather than lecturing, focus on listening first.

Teens are more likely to open up when they feel heard and understood.

Instead of saying, “You should talk to someone,” try asking, “What would help you feel better?” This shifts the conversation to their perspective and gives them agency in finding a solution.

Validate their emotions by acknowledging their struggles: “That sounds really tough. I can see why you feel that way.” Simply feeling understood can be a powerful first step.

Normalize Help-Seeking

Help teens see that reaching out for support is normal and healthy.

Share personal stories about times when talking to someone helped you through a difficult time. For example, you might say, “I’ve been through hard times too, and talking to someone really helped.”

Comparing mental health care to physical health can also be effective: “If you broke your arm, you wouldn’t hesitate to see a doctor. Our minds deserve the same care.” These small shifts in perspective can help reduce stigma and make getting help feel more natural.

Give Them Choices

Teens often resist when they feel forced into something, so offering choices can help them feel in control.

You might ask, “Would you rather talk to a counselor at school or someone outside of school?” or “Do you want to read about coping strategies first, or would you prefer to talk to someone?”

If they’re not comfortable talking to you, explore who they might trust—a coach, teacher, youth leader, or older sibling. Sometimes, connecting them with a mentor or peer support group can be a good stepping stone toward professional help.

Remove Barriers to Getting Help

Even when a teen is open to getting help, obstacles can make it feel overwhelming.

Assist them in finding a therapist who matches their needs, whether that’s in terms of age, gender, or personality fit. If they’re anxious about the process, offer to go with them to an appointment or sit nearby while they call a helpline.

Letting them know what to expect from counseling or therapy can also ease their concerns and make the experience feel less intimidating.

Keep the Door Open

If they say no today, that doesn’t mean no forever.

Reassure them with something like, “I’m here for you whenever you’re ready—no pressure.” Continue checking in regularly with simple, non-intrusive questions like, “How are you feeling this week?”

By maintaining an open line of communication, you show them that they have a steady source of support whenever they’re ready to take the next step.

TL;DR: Practical Takeaways

When their safety is at risk…

If they’re self-harming, talking about suicide, or in an abusive situation, stepping in may be necessary:

  • Say: “I care about you too much to ignore this. Let’s figure this out together.”
  • Give them a deadline to tell a parent or trusted adult first. Offer to go with them if needed.
  • Know your resources: hotlines, school counselors, crisis support options.

Some Last Thoughts

Every teen deserves to be seen, heard, and supported—even when they push us away. By approaching with empathy, patience, and consistency, we can help them take brave steps toward healing and growth. Your role as a steady, caring adult matters more than you know. Keep showing up—you’re making a difference.

Don’t forget to subscribe! Find us on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Have a question or a topic you’d love to hear about? Reach out on social media or email us at podcast@teenlife.ngo.

Links & Resources:

Read Episode Transcript

Karlie (00:00)
How can I encourage a teen to get help who doesn’t want help? So this is a big question. I feel like especially coming off the episodes with Brenda where we talked about connecting with teens and conflict and how to help de-escalate. Those are all great tools, but sometimes you use these tools and a teen will look at you and be like, yeah, no, I don’t want help or.
refusing or just being like, I’m fine. I feel like we also get that a lot. We’re not necessarily they know that they need help and are saying no, but where they pretend like everything is fine and they don’t need help. And so today we’re going to kind of talk through this, but first of all, Caleb, well, let’s address the missing elephant in the room. Of we’re missing Tobin. We do miss. I know we do miss you, Tobin.

Caleb Hatchett (00:27)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
be the same without him but we carry on we carry on for you the viewer

Karlie (00:47)
Tobin is home with his new baby girl and so we’re so excited that he gets to do that and he will be back with us before too long. for now you get me and Caleb for a few weeks.

Caleb Hatchett (00:52)
Yeah.
Sorry, you’re
stuck with us for the next few weeks. So buckle up. Listen, I know you’re probably like, maybe I’ll skip the three. Who knows what will be said, you know? So not saying Tobin necessarily grounds us, but like we might feel the need to fill the void. Who knows? Who knows? So, the, the, start off this episode though, you know, we have to ask the question, why would teens refuse help? And as being

Karlie (01:08)
So I was going to be listening going like, no.
Mm-hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (01:23)
As being someone who growing up, think fell into this boat of refusing help. Yeah. I, you know, I think back to, know, trying to learn how to ride a bike or trying to learn how to ski, anything that like, it was very clear and it wasn’t even necessarily life situations. was like, Hey, Caleb, you literally don’t know how to ski. And my parents would try to tell me and I’d be like, I know, I know.

Karlie (01:29)
You’re a fuser of help.
That was a classic Caleb phrase.

Caleb Hatchett (01:52)
I literally didn’t know,
but that was a coined phrase by me was, know. And it was stemmed out of kind of this idea that, you know, I don’t want to be viewed as someone who needs help, or I don’t want to be viewed as someone who isn’t capable. And so I think for a lot of teens, it stems out of that. Making it.

Karlie (02:05)
Mm-hmm.
Right.

Caleb Hatchett (02:14)
having people look down on them, maybe their fear of judgment, worrying about being seen as weak or broken. Even for some other teens, it could just be a lack of trust. With their experience and their life experience, they haven’t been given any reason to trust adults. And so why should they trust you to help them? They’ve gone so long with only leaning on themselves.

Karlie (02:25)
Mm-hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (02:38)
And so then it also leads into this feeling like they, they can and should handle it alone because they crave independence. And again, don’t want to admit failure that I actually can’t do it alone.

Karlie (02:47)
Great.
Well, I think you
hit the nail on the head when you said like that feeling of I want to be viewed as capable. And I’m sure we’ve talked about it on the podcast. And if so, I will link the episode in the show notes, but independence is one of the main tasks of adolescence. So that’s what they’re gaining. That’s what they’re looking for. That’s where like a lot of respect and the pushing of boundaries comes in. And so

Caleb Hatchett (02:58)
Yeah.
Mmm.

Karlie (03:16)
If they feel like that independence is threatened because they’re having to get help, or especially if they feel like you’re forcing help on them, they’re going to kind of stiffen at that and be like, no, I can do this. I’m going to figure this out on my own, even if they think in their back, in the back of their head, like, this is probably going to go horribly, but I’m going to prove a point right now and I’m going to, yes. And then I also think sometimes teens don’t even know really what help looks like, especially if they don’t have parents who talk about this.

Caleb Hatchett (03:22)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I’m do it to spite you. Yeah. Yeah.
Hmm.

Karlie (03:45)
If they’ve never been, I think the more and more I do teen life groups, realize very few teens are in small groups. If they’re not going to a church where they’re part of a group like that, where we open up and we share feelings and we accept feelings, then they’ve maybe never been in an environment where they’re sharing their story or sharing challenges and having someone speak into that. If they don’t have parents who are asking questions and checking on them,

Caleb Hatchett (04:05)
Mm-mm.

Karlie (04:12)
That’s just something that hasn’t been modeled to them. And so if they don’t know what it looks like, that is an unknown that they’re not willing to step into. And then you’re even taking it up a notch of if you’re trying to get them therapy or counseling or rehab, any of those, that’s even bigger. And then they’re like, no, I don’t even want to touch that.

Caleb Hatchett (04:20)
Yeah.
Yep.
That’s one of the things for me starting out as a student minister that like I had to learn a bit was like this idea of small groups of opening up of talking about your feeling sharing is a learned thing. Cause I mean, I grew up, you know, in the church.

Karlie (04:45)
Mm.

Caleb Hatchett (04:49)
Like in small groups, D groups, devotional groups, as they are called in middle school, high school, we’re like ingrained into everything that we did. And so it was kind of this learned behavior of, you know, we’re going to have group and we’re going to talk about a story and hopefully towards the end, be able to talk about some of your feelings. Sometimes I wasn’t good at it, but it was at least something that I knew was a, was a norm.
and to be expected of me. So whenever I started out as a student minister and the students that I kind of inherited hadn’t done small groups, it’s like it was, and it kind of still is like a learned experience and there’s growing pains. And it’s this idea of, I’m not used to letting people know the way I feel of being vulnerable. And yeah, they need to see it modeled. But what, what, what

Karlie (05:23)
Right.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (05:40)
needs to happen for us to start building that trust and start modeling that for students who really don’t want the help.

Karlie (05:49)
Right, well, and I think just if you’re thinking about a perspective shift for this, instead of you need help, which to me makes me think you think something’s wrong with me. You think I’m broken. You think I can’t do it. Even it’s shifting of like, you deserve support. Like you deserve support. You deserve every resource I can give you. And this is another resource that I can give you to help.

Caleb Hatchett (06:09)
Hmm.

Karlie (06:17)
might shift that language a little bit, even if you’re thinking, even if you don’t say that out loud, even if you’re thinking that in your head of not like, I’ve got to fix them, but like, hey, I’m going to support them. And that just looks a little different and feels a little different. But like you’re saying, Caleb, the first step is building trust because if you don’t have a relationship with them and they don’t trust you, if you are trying to get them help, they’re probably not going to take that well. Like they’re just not.

Caleb Hatchett (06:21)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. And I think too,
that idea, yeah, you support, like I’m here with you. And, know, I think kind of this idea of like, I’m on your side. Like, I’m not, I’m not working against you. Like I’m, I’m on your team. I’m on your side. Okay. And even though.

Karlie (06:47)
Mm-hmm.
Ooh, I like that. Mm-hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (07:01)
Maybe what we want for you might be different. Like you need to know everything of what I’m trying to do and speak for you stems out of this fact that I’m on your team. I’m on your side. I’m here to support you. But with that, there has to be trust. Cause if there’s not trust, then there’s, they’re not going to take you at that word.

Karlie (07:11)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (07:22)
Right? Like they have to trust you in order to believe that you are on their side. so, build trust, like model that model that you are on their side. Don’t lecture is a big one. Like don’t tell Lee. have to listen first.

Karlie (07:32)
It’s easy, yeah. Listen.
And you did this naturally, Caleb, but I want to point it out for the listener, using plural language of we, like what can we do to help? How can we move forward? Puts you on their side instead of you, you, you, pointing fingers of we, we’re in this together, we’re a team. Try to use we language when you’re talking to them and validate their feelings. listen, like Caleb’s saying, don’t lecture, listen.

Caleb Hatchett (07:43)
Mm.
Yeah.

Karlie (08:03)
And you can say, man, that sounds really tough. How can we help? Where can we move forward and maybe start there of asking them what they need before you just straight up say, I think you help. I think you need, you need a professional like of ask. Yeah.

Caleb Hatchett (08:15)
Yeah. You need, you need help.
But I’m here, I’m on your team, but you need help, yeah.

Karlie (08:25)
Asking that and we’ve kind of talked around this too, but normalizing help seeking So if you have done that in the past, you don’t have to get into details but saying like hey, you know what a few years ago I went through a really rough time too and I had to talk to someone about it or I’m not This is me personally. I’m not good at asking for help It’s easier for me to help others. And so it’s okay to for sometimes I’ll admit that when I’m in my teen life groups because one of the weeks we talk about stress and what we can do is

Caleb Hatchett (08:30)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

Karlie (08:54)
And I will often admit I’m really bad at this, but I need to be better at telling the people in my life, here’s what I’m struggling with and here’s how you can help. And even modeling to them like, it’s not always easy and don’t make it seem like, just it’s fine. I go to counseling all the time. That’s not a big deal. Even admitting some of that tension of it’s not always easy to do that.

Caleb Hatchett (09:02)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Yeah.
I was going to say of like they build on each other right if you’re trying to to build trust they need to know that you’re a safe space someone that listens and cares like

Karlie (09:26)
Mm-hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (09:29)
cares about what they say. So that’s we’re saying, man, like, I’m sorry. And then, yeah, normalizing this help seeking and being vulnerable as well as on your end. And yeah, don’t come at it from a man. I’ve been through this too. Here’s how I got through it. And, you know, like, look at me now. I’m awesome. Like you can get to me, but like sit in it with them for a second and just be like, you know what? I understand where you’ve been and get vulnerable with

Karlie (09:46)
Hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (09:56)
Here’s my life experience. Here’s the ways that, truly, like I didn’t know the way out and have experienced where you’ve been, but you know, also, yeah, you know, model for them. Here’s the steps that, that I took in order to help myself get out. Cause it’s not okay just to stay there. And so how can we,

Karlie (10:15)
Mm-hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (10:17)
We’re not the same person, but what are the steps that we can take to get out? And then, yeah, leads us onto the next one of giving them choices. Don’t make them seem like they’re pigeonholed or that you are telling them what to do. If the team doesn’t want help, I would say teens in general, even if they do want help, a lot of times don’t just like being told what to do. so giving them choices, you know, it directs them enough.

Karlie (10:39)
Yeah.

Caleb Hatchett (10:43)
But again doesn’t feel like you’re necessarily telling them what to do

Karlie (10:48)
Right? So it could even be like, if you are asking them a question, hey, do you want to talk about this with me? Is there another person that you feel is trustworthy that you could go to? Do you feel like you need therapy or counseling? Do you want me to go with you the first time? I, like offering options like that, where like you’re saying, Caleb, you’re not just saying, here’s what you need to do. And that’s where being curious,

Caleb Hatchett (10:57)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.

Karlie (11:17)asking questions of even what do you think would help? What do you think would make this better? Do you have a friend who’s done something that has been beneficial and what did they do? Get them outside of themselves to think through things or do you need coping strategies? Do you want me to give you my advice or can I send you a couple articles or do you want to ask around and then we could come back next week and talk about it? And that is something that

Caleb Hatchett (11:28)
Yes.

Karlie (11:42)
can help, maybe they don’t want counseling, but if there is a school counselor that has a group that’s going on, something like Teen Life or another support group, maybe that feels a little more accessible. It’s on their campus or not having to leave. Or that question, we love to ask the question of just who do you trust? Who is an adult that you feel like you can go to right now? And it doesn’t have to be me. And honestly, I’m okay if it’s not me, but who is someone and can you go to them first?

Caleb Hatchett (12:05)
Mm-hmm.

Karlie (12:10)
and ask them, but let them think through that. Especially I think for parents, instead of saying, are the three people that you can go talk to and giving them those people, ask and let them rely on the people that they feel like they trust.

Caleb Hatchett (12:17)
Yeah. Yeah. And this idea of giving them choices of prying, think from, I think from me and my experience is trying to get them to come to the conclusion on their own. Cause I mean, the frustrating thing, I’m not a parent. would assume this holds true for parenting too. given the times that I’ve told my father, you know, that he has told me something time and time again.

Karlie (12:36)
Mm-hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (12:47)
Hey, Caleb, you got to keep your car clean. Like whatever, like it helps. What? Okay. Sure. But if I come to that conclusion on my own and I see that in action, it’s like, man, I’m genius. And you know, beating my dad just beating his head. And like, I told you, I told you, how could you not see it? But if a teen comes to that conclusion on their own,

It gives them, it helps them understand the reasoning and the motivation behind the why. And again, it also gives them the sense of independence and accomplishment. so, you know, if you’re able to, to walk with them and alongside them of instead of necessarily telling them what to do, walk beside with them and pry it and keep asking questions. Okay. Like why, who do you want to go to if it’s not me for help? And if they give you an answer.

Karlie (13:14)
Mm.

Caleb Hatchett (13:36)
help them realize and ask questions like- is this person trust-worthy? You know, can you really go to them? Why do you think that they’re a good person to go to? And just help them process and come up with their own reasonings of, you know, help them think through it. Cause they might also come to the conclusion of, you know what?

Karlie (13:41)
Mm-hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (13:53)
My middle school friend might not be the best person to go to for this important life advice. You’re right. But if they reach that conclusion on their own, they’re more likely to do it than if you tell them.

Karlie (14:04)
think you’re exactly right, Caleb, because if I’m thinking of, for example, a student that you really feel like needs therapy or counseling, and you force them to go, how much more would they get out of it if they are bought in and think, yeah, this is something that will be beneficial? First, I am forced to do this, and now have to go. And so that is something that is different.

Caleb Hatchett (14:11)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Right.

Karlie (14:28)
to kind of think through how can I go about this in a way that you’re right, asking questions to get them to come to that conclusion on their own without being manipulative, but just like, hey, let’s ask some questions and maybe they can figure this out. And sometimes that looks like I talked about earlier, if they have never heard of or been modeled for asking for help counseling therapy, maybe that is letting them know what to expect.

Caleb Hatchett (14:33)
Mm-hmm. Right.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Karlie (14:53)
Hey, do you know anyone that’s gone to counseling? And if they say no, be like, okay, here’s kind of what you can expect from that. This doesn’t mean you have to go, but I just want to give you all the information up front. It’s probably not what you think. It’s not laying back on a couch with a box of tissues and sharing your whole story. A lot of times it’s activity driven and you can walk them through that so they have a better idea of what to say. And then finally, I think for this too, make sure you’re keeping the door open.

Caleb Hatchett (15:12)
Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Karlie (15:23)
If they say no to help, that doesn’t mean no forever. So even sometimes if you have a relationship with a student and you know, I’m pushing too much, this is not going anywhere. They have dug in their heels and there is going to be no help instead of just being like, no, I’m going to make you see that you have to have help. Take a step back and say, I’m here when you’re ready. Hey, let’s come back to this in a week. Let’s see how you’re feeling and

No pressure. And then the next week, hey, how are you feeling this week? Do you still feel like you have it under control? What can I do to help? And continuing to check in, not just saying, well, they said no, so I’m done and I’m backing off. Continue to go to them, but at the same time, don’t pressure them to do anything.

Caleb Hatchett (15:58)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And I think that the important thing there, like what you said of keeping, keep pursuing, like don’t, again, don’t necessarily be like, will help you. You will receive my help. Um, but this idea of, know, I think sometimes I’ve even fallen to the trap of, man, I’m giving them time. I’ve given them opportunity and opportunity for me to help them and they don’t want it. So I’m just going to let them come to me when they’re ready. There’s a balance of that. And.

Karlie (16:17)
you

Mm-hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (16:36)
pursuing and making sure that they know that you’re there. Of, hey, they might not want my help now, but I’m going to make sure that they know that I’m here when they’re ready. Instead of just being like, you know, I’m going to sit passively. They’ll come to me, continue to check in. Even if they don’t want your help. There’s nothing wrong with saying, how are you? How is the situation that you’ve, you’ve talked to me about? Cause it shows you care. It shows that you listened.

Karlie (16:37)
Mm-hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (16:59)
And yeah, again, even going back to everything, we’re here to help. And I don’t want it to come across as we’re trying to manipulate the, you know, a student or a teen into receiving help from us. Again, help them process, help. They probably will come to a conclusion that isn’t one that, that you had in mind, but if you can think through it with them, it’ll also help you understand where they’re coming from more as well.

Karlie (17:22)
Mm-hmm. That’s good. Okay, so for just kind of some final takeaways, one thing I do want to say, we are talking about not forcing help, but if their safety is at risk. So if you were talking to a teenager who is self-harming, who is talking about suicide, who is in an abusive situation, first of all, no, they’re probably all very similar, but like I know in the state of Texas, if a student discloses abuse to you, you have to report that.

Caleb Hatchett (17:35)
Mm-hmm.

Karlie (17:50)
You have to like, and it’s not that difficult. Please reach out to Teen Life or one of us if you need help, but you can also do a search for it and it will come up with what you can do. They, there are some instances where they need help. If that is the case, or if you feel like it’s something bigger where you found out that they’ve been, especially if you’re not a parent and you found out something like they’ve been doing drugs or they have been

engaging in activities with a boyfriend or girlfriend that you know their parents would not approve of. Something that you know they need to tell a parent or they need to talk to someone else about this and I can’t handle this anymore. Here’s an example of what I would say, which would be, I care too much about you to ignore this. So we need to figure this out together. And that could be you need to tell a parent or I have to report this for your safety.

Caleb Hatchett (18:23)
Mm-hmm.

Karlie (18:43)
let’s do this together, or would you like me to come with you? I will be part of that conversation with the parent if you are too scared to tell them or another trusted adult. And so not taking away that choice, let them decide, give them a deadline, say, hey, by Friday, I’m gonna check back in. And if you haven’t told them, I need to tell your parent, but I wanna give you the opportunity to tell them first.

Caleb Hatchett (19:06)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Karlie (19:08)
and so kind of giving them the opportunity to do that, but at the same time going, this is a big enough deal that I’m, I care about you too much to ignore it. And sometimes that will, that honestly will put a strain on the relationship. Your relationship with that student might never be the same, but if it is something where you feel like their safety or their future, or there are some choices, I’m pretty sure Brenda said this, that you can’t come back from. And so sometimes as an adult, you have to make the decision that I have to step in here to try to stop.

a situation that is just going to get worse and could potentially ruin their life. And then finally, and I’ll post some links as well to more national hotlines, but know your resources. So if a student comes to you, kind of have in your back pocket, here are some people I would talk to. Here are maybe some, here are the school counselors numbers and let me help you find them. Here is a crisis hotline.

Caleb Hatchett (19:40)
Yeah, that’s good.

Karlie (20:03)
number that you can call. are texting options where they don’t even have to get on a phone. They can text in, they can chat online, just something that maybe if they want something anonymous and don’t want to talk to someone in person, better help. are online telehealth counseling deals where they’re not having to go to a counselor’s office. And so know your resources. But as we always say, it’s about connection. It is about telling them, I care enough about you. I see you.

Caleb Hatchett (20:03)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Karlie (20:32)
that I want you to have the support and the resources that you need.

 

 

 

 

Return to add a new line

 

 

Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Caleb Hatchett
Caleb Hatchett

Podcast Host

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The Importance of Mentorship in Men’s Mental Health

The Importance of Mentorship in Men’s Mental Health

by | Nov 13, 2024 | Blog, Mental Health

Mentorship can make all the difference.

In a world where men’s mental health is sometimes overlooked, it’s more important than ever to bring attention to the challenges many men face. While recent conversations about mental well-being have begun to chip away at the stigma, there’s still much progress to be made.

To better understand this important issue, we asked some of our male volunteers to open up about their personal experiences with mental health and the role mentorship has played in their lives. Their stories highlight not only the obstacles they’ve faced but also the powerful impact of having mentors who offer support, guidance, and a listening ear.

To guide our conversation, we asked our volunteers three key questions:

1. Can you share about your personal mental health journey and what it has looked like to seek help?

2. Tell us about a mentor or caring adult who showed up for you when you were a teen.

3. What is something you wish you could tell your teenage self?

Let’s take a closer look at these stories and how we can create a more supportive space where men feel encouraged to speak openly about their mental health.

Can you share about your personal mental health journey and what it has looked like to seek help?

Adam Herndon
Group Facilitator at Byron Nelson HS

I remember my dad informing me a long time ago about my grandmother being one of the first people to take anti-depressants in the 1950’s when they were invented. She struggled with depression and several family members have over the years. He wanted me to know it runs in our family and is always worth seeking help if I were to struggle. I’ve had short seasons (usually in the winter) of a couple of weeks to a month of seasonal depression.

It always helps to tell people I’m struggling in those moments even if I don’t need a high level of care. Just simple awareness and support from my friends and family is helpful.

Ty Carter
Group Facilitator at Rosemont Middle School

I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression and have been in therapy for just over a year. I should’ve done it sooner.

Chad Seagle
Group Facilitator at Denton Guyer HS

I sought therapy after a series of breakups that were long-term but weren’t good for me. After talking with someone, I was able to connect dots from my past, gain some tools, and gain confidence in myself that led to my next relationship being super healthy and ultimately us getting married. We’ve been together for 5 years now.

Tell us about a mentor or caring adult that showed up for you when you were a teen.

Adam Herndon
Group Facilitator at Byron Nelson HS

My teenage mentor, Jeff, is still my mentor to this day. The reason he continues to matter is that he has never tried to fix me but has always wanted me to know he was there. He listens well and encourages or reminds me of the more important truths about my identity to this day. I need that at 40 years old in the same way I did at 15 years old.

Ty Carter
Group Facilitator at Rosemont Middle School

My father is an important role model in my life. He’s the hardest working person I know. He taught me the value of earning instead of expecting things to be given to you.

Addison Weaver
Group Facilitator at Haltom HS

I would not be where I am today without strong male role models in my life who showed up and cared in my teen years. My 5th-grade teacher and my middle school history teacher made tremendous impacts in my life- teaching me compassion, hard work, and leadership. We remained in touch through the years, and he even came to my wedding years later!

Chad Seagle
Group Facilitator at Denton Guyer HS

I had a couple of youth pastors that were great listeners. I couldn’t tell you the wisdom they shared with me as I spilled my all-consuming drama, but their consistent presence was felt and I’m forever grateful.

What is something you wish you could tell your teenage self?

Adam Herndon
Group Facilitator at Byron Nelson HS

Your friend group will change MANY times as you go through so many places and seasons in life. Don’t worry so much about what everyone thinks of you, and don’t worry if some friends don’t work out now. You likely will not see them much if ever again.

Ty Carter
Group Facilitator at Rosemont Middle School

If I could give advice to my younger self, it would be- Don’t skip school. Be patient. Seek God.

Addison Weaver
Group Facilitator at Haltom HS

I would tell my teen self, ‘You are seen. You are known. And you are loved.’ I may not always remember the lessons taught, but I remember when adults who cared about me showed up

Chad Seagle
Group Facilitator at Denton Guyer HS

I would tell my teen self that it’s ok to have needs, too. And to set healthy boundaries with friends that are better “takers” than “givers.”

The impact of mentorship and open support for mental health is truly life-changing.

Each of these men shared their experiences with vulnerability, underscoring the importance of both seeking help and offering it to others. From the influence of caring mentors to the strength found in opening up about their mental health journeys, they remind us that no one should have to go through struggles alone.

By encouraging open conversations and providing supportive spaces, we can help more men feel comfortable reaching out. Together, we can foster a culture where mental health is prioritized, support is readily available, and no one feels isolated in their journey.

Because not only does no teen deserve to feel alone, but no adult does either.

Lara Precure
Lara Precure

Licensed Social Worker (LCSW)

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Signs of School Anxiety & How to Help | Ep. 163

Signs of School Anxiety & How to Help | Ep. 163

by | Oct 8, 2024 | Anxiety, Mental Health, Podcast, School

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

School Anxiety: What It Looks Like and How to Help Teens Overcome It

Join us for a deeper look at the complex world of school anxiety and explore what it looks like in teens. Many caring adults may see changes in behavior but struggle to understand the root cause. Today, we’re breaking down common signs of anxiety at school, practical ways to support teens, and how to shift your perspective so you can help them navigate these tough moments with confidence.

Key Question

What Does Anxiety Look Like at School?

What to Look Out For

You might notice your teen avoiding school or withdrawing from activities they once enjoyed.

These behaviors can be signals of school anxiety:

  • Not wanting to go to school – Consistent resistance to attending school or frequent complaints without a clear reason.
  • Isolation – Your teen may prefer to be alone rather than interacting with friends or participating in activities.
  • Complaining about physical symptoms – Stomach aches, headaches, or other vague symptoms that happen regularly before school.
  • Not bringing back schoolwork – Missing assignments or unfinished projects can sometimes be a sign of emotional overwhelm, not just laziness.
  • Closed-off body language – Watch for hunched shoulders, crossed arms, or avoiding eye contact.

A Note for Adults: Role Modeling a Healthy Approach to Anxiety

Teens often look to the adults in their lives to understand how to handle emotions. If you’re feeling anxious, it can be helpful to verbalize your thought process. For example, you might say: “I’m having a tough day. I’m going to take a 5-minute break to regroup and then we can continue!”

This shows teens that it’s okay to feel anxious, but also that there are ways to cope and move forward.

Perspective Shift

Expect Difficult Things

Anxiety is a normal part of life, and we can expect teens to do hard things. Instead of stepping in to rescue them, believe in their ability to face challenges and grow. When we constantly step in, it unintentionally sends the message that we don’t believe they can handle it.

  • Validate their feelings: Acknowledge their anxiety without promising that everything will be easy or fun.
  • Encourage resilience: It’s okay to push them to keep going, even when it feels hard. Coddling can send the wrong message.

TL Tips & Takeaways:

Point Out the Good:

Highlight the brave things you see them doing, even if they seem small.

Ask for Positives:

Encourage them to list two good things in their life right now to shift focus from anxious thoughts.

Resources for Parents:

If you have a teen who doesn’t want to go to school, keep scrolling down for a related episode that dives deeper into school refusal and what you can do about it.

Stay tuned for more episodes where we tackle the tough topics that help you support and mentor the teens in your life.

Remember, you are a powerful influence in a teen’s life!

Read Episode Transcript

Tobin Hodges (00:00)
What does anxiety look like at school? if you are like me and you are in education or have a, students in education, I have a high schooler. I see this from all sides of the coin. It seems like, on a daily basis. So today we’re going to answer that question. What does it look like at school? What does it look like for students? What does it look like for staff members? What does it look like for you as a parent?

We’re gonna kind of try to cover all bases and just as a reminder these are this is like our new podcast format We are gonna answer questions and if you have any please please please send us some because we would love to answer questions from our listeners To help you with the things that you need help with because that’s what we are here for so today. Let’s start off with this What do you guys from your- from y’all’s- perspective as former students as Karlie you have kids that you have two kids that have started school now and you work with school staff and Caleb you work with school staff as well. What do you all see? What does it look like for you whenever you see anxiety in school?

Karlie Duke (00:59)
Well, do have, I mean, he’s little, so he’s not a teenager. But last year we dealt with some of this with my son. mean, he loved school, but if there was a sub, he would panic. Like he would fixate on it before we left for school. He would talk about it like…

She’s not going to be there. She’s not going to be there. Well, who is going to be there? Well, what if y ‘all forget me at school? What if I’m not like he would go run through all these what ifs he would go to the nurse and like complain about like he was coughing or having trouble breathing or and like we kind of got to a point where like, is he really because the nurse was like, he seemed fine to me or was that his anxiety coming out of when he would feel anxious thoughts or feelings?

that he’d be like, I need to go to the nurse. And so that’s kind of what we’ve seen and walked through with my son. He’s doing much better this year, which is great, but it’s really hard to sit there and kind of be like, as someone who doesn’t struggle with anxiety as much, be like, come on, like suck it up, go to school. It’s not that big of a deal. You’re going to have fun. have all these friends, but like,

Caleb Hatchett (02:12)
Yeah.

Karlie Duke (02:16)
We have to sit in that moment and make them feel heard also without coddling them being like, sure, you don’t have to go to school today because there’s a sub. And so finding that balance and I know we’re going to talk about that some more too, but.

Caleb Hatchett (02:22)
Yeah. Yeah.

Tobin Hodges (02:22)
Yeah.

Interesting- yeah that’s like usually kids are like sweet sub I get to watch a video or do easy worksheets but yeah that’s that’s interesting okay what about you

Caleb Hatchett (02:28)
I think.

Karlie Duke (02:35)
Yeah, the routine was tough.

Caleb Hatchett (02:36)
I think for me it’s like, especially since the school year started up and I’ve interacted with my students in the youth group and stuff like that, just like, hey, how’s school going? It’s interesting to me because like, I know I was a little weird. I always enjoyed going back to school a little bit, you know, like after summer, things like that. I’m like, man, I miss my friends. I even miss it. Like a few teachers, like just like structure and being able to like…

do things and like know I know what to expect and now it’s just kids don’t like school and it’s just kind of like it tends to be the answer I get like how school okay and I think like too what I’ve realized is like a

Karlie Duke (03:04)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah

Caleb Hatchett (03:20)
School is an anxious place Like it just is I mean like students you’re getting graded on things like you’re getting literal feedback- a numerical grade- on how well you’re doing or not like that’s stressful that can cause anxiety I mean the whole like social situation Everything like it’s just like it’s an anxious place and so like having grace and I don’t know like it’s probably not even a thing where like every student experiences anxiety going to school every single day, but I would

Almost promise you every student has felt anxiety going to school whether it’s about a test whether it’s about a substitute teacher. Asking a girl out During you know lunch period like i’m sure like every this is someone like Everybody’s experiencing anxiety at school just because it’s an anxious place of just of a lot of of things to be anxious about so

Tobin Hodges (04:13)
Yeah. I think whenever I was in school, like I definitely had anxiety and had anxious moments or areas of my life, but like school actually felt like it wasn’t anxious for me.

Caleb Hatchett (04:25)
Hmm.

Tobin Hodges (04:27)
I don’t, and then like looking back, I think it’s more of, that was like kind of like you. liked being around my friends. I liked doing what I was doing. I was definitely on the shyer side when I was younger, but when I got to high school, that kind of went all went away. But, my anxiety was always more around getting the stuff done that I needed to get done because I had.

Caleb Hatchett (04:31)
Yeah.

Mm

Tobin Hodges (04:44)
band and I was in basketball and I had a job and I had a single mom, so I was having to take care of siblings as well. so my anxiety was more about the amount of work that was due. so a lot of that was where I struggled the most. so some things that if you’re listening, especially as a parent, the things you might notice is the kid might not want to go to school. Kind of like what Karlie was saying about her son. If they’re isolated, if…

I think my oldest is kind of like this in some ways, like he’s one of those people that has like three friends and he’s probably fine with that and that’s okay. Like there’s nothing wrong with that. But for a while, it felt like he was isolating himself. Like I was just like, why are you always by yourself or why are you eating by yourself? That kind of stuff. And so it might be isolation in school. if your student is talking about.

Karlie Duke (05:23)
Yeah.

Tobin Hodges (05:35)
Like are never talking about people that they’re hanging out with that might be something to kind of like probe a little bit and just kind of kind of fill out. Because again, sometimes it can be OK. Like that’s my kids case. If they’re complaining about being sick a lot, that’s a pretty it’s a pretty clear cut sign. I think that’s a pretty obvious sign for most people. And like I said, in my case, not bringing back projects or homework, sometimes the anxiety of just not turning things in because you don’t want to get a bad grade. Like even though like

Karlie Duke (06:03)
Mm

Tobin Hodges (06:04)
As an adult, look at that and you’re like, hey, as long as you turn it in, you’re at least going to get something. But as a kid, you think I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want to turn that in because I don’t want to know how bad I did it. I don’t or, you know, lots of things could go into that, but.

And then, know, in like this body language, sometimes it’s hormones. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it can be more than that. And so just kind of being in tune with your student to know what’s going on with that kind of stuff. The other thing too, that I see a lot in my son is, and this is something that you kind of have to kind of toe the line as a parent is my son does not want to have conversations with teachers like ever. Like if it’s a confrontation or if it’s a need to go ask a question, he will always revert to emailing them, which I know some of that is the generation in the society that we’re in, like I’m as a parent, I’m trying to also instill like, it’s okay to have a face -to -face conversation in these situations because sometimes those things go better face -to -face than they do. Like if you’re, especially if you’re talking about, Hey, I need to make up work or I’m struggling. It’s not going to come across as well in an email as it will face-to-face. so like that causes my son anxiety. Like he won’t go talk to teachers. Like, like, unless I’m basically shoving him there. And so.

Karlie Duke (07:11)
Mm -hmm.

Tobin Hodges (07:19)
I don’t know if anybody else has seen that in their students before, that’s something that I know causes my son anxiety a lot, for sure.

Karlie Duke (07:25)
Interesting. Now, last week we talked about vicarious trauma. And one of the things we talked about was kind of setting boundaries or verbalizing if you need boundaries or a break. So especially for adults and our school people, if you are having any anxious thoughts throughout the day or throughout the year, that is also an opportunity for you to verbalize your thought process so that students can see that model.

Tobin Hodges (07:44)
Mm

Karlie Duke (07:53)
I think it’s important that we also model healthily how to take care of ourselves. So if you’re like, Hey, I’m having a really, and you don’t have to go into details, but even just something like, Hey, I’m having a really tough day. So I’m going to sit at my desk for five minutes. I want y ‘all to work on something and then we’ll get back into it. Like kind of talking them through what that looks like so that they can do that too. But I think something that.

we’re going to try to do in all of our episodes is kind of give a perspective shift of something to think about differently. And the first thing is it’s okay to feel anxious. It’s okay for our students to feel anxious, but we can still expect them to do hard things. And so I think sometimes unintentionally, if our students are worried about something or having anxious thoughts and you, I’m going to use the word coddled, but that might be too strong of a word.

but you help them in ways what you’re actually telling them or you’re like stepping in to rescue them, what you’re unintentionally telling them is that you don’t think they can do it on their own. Like where you’re trying to help them in the back of their mind, they’re like, man, mom doesn’t think that I can do this or this teacher doesn’t think that I can do this project and so she’s giving me different things than everyone else.

Like it’s okay to acknowledge and if you, if they need help, but be like, Hey, but I still expect you to do this. know this is going to be difficult, but you still have to show up to school. You still have to do your work. You still have to come to practice all of those things. And so I think that’s really important too of don’t just let them check out and be like, well, you don’t have to do this today. That’s not how that works.

Tobin Hodges (09:33)
Yeah. And from the school’s perspective too, if in listen, like I’ve struggled with this as a parent, but if you are trying to fix everything and if you are always trying to have the conversation instead of your student, especially as they get older, that’s going to create a weird student teacher relationship too of either the teacher will not trust to talk to the student and they will go directly to you. that creates a weird middleman or it’s going to make them think that they aren’t quite ready for the maturity level that’s maybe some things require in high school, like whether that be athletics, extracurriculars, whatever it may be. mean, like at some point, you know, you kind of have to let the students take care of their.

their stuff, even if they are anxious for that reason. Again, we’re we’re talking about teenagers, mainly, and especially probably older teenagers, especially. But at some point, you kind of have to let let them process through that in their own way, including taking care of it as well.

Karlie Duke (10:34)
Well, I have an example. When I was in high school, we, unfortunately, we took advantage of one of our teachers because she would be like, you poor things. But we would talk about how much homework we were getting on Wednesday nights. And we’re like, we’ve got church, we’ve got practice, it’s late. And she was like, that is unacceptable. No homework on Wednesday nights in my class. And I’m going to go to all your other teachers. And then that class became a like.

It was a geography class. This is no surprise if you know me because I’m awful with geography. I don’t know where anything is because like, for example, when we studied Africa, we watched the Lion King. Like that’s just kind of what we did in her class because she was worried that we had too much on our plate. But then what that also meant is like she didn’t think we could do that. She didn’t push us. I did not leave that class better than how I came into her class.

Caleb Hatchett (11:17)
Nice.

Karlie Duke (11:30)
because she was so worried about everything that we had on our plate that she was gonna take all of that away. Now, that is obviously an extreme example and our wonderful teachers are probably not doing that. But that’s where in her mind she was trying to be helpful. She wanted to help. But at some point, if you take everything away or if you make it where none of it’s difficult, they’re not going to leave better. They’re not gonna leave more prepared.

for you, but at the same time, it’s okay to sit there and validate their feelings of, Hey, I know this is hard. You don’t have to look at them and be, this is easy. It’s going to be fine when that’s just not the truth or they’re sitting there going, I’m really struggling. It’s okay to be like, Hey, I know what I assigned today is difficult. Or I know that what you’re going through with your friends today is not fun or easy, but let’s think through how, what are some steps that we can take to make this? What do you need from me to make this happen? But

put that on them and make them answer that instead of you just being like, here’s how I’m gonna help you today or here’s what you should do.

Tobin Hodges (12:32)
So coming from the school staff talking about perspective shifts, if you are a school staff listening in, it’s very easy to immediately write off a student or a teen for being quote unquote lazy or whatever in these situations. And listen, I’m very, very guilty of that as well when I was a teacher and still to this day sometimes as well. if you’re seeing these signs too,

There are things you can do as a teacher to maybe help with that. One thing I know that I did as a teacher is that whenever I had something heavy in the class, either a quiz or some sort of hard assignment, I would, I would have the room be calm when they came in, whether it’s with music, you know, maybe the lights dimmed a little bit. and then I would also preface, okay, today here’s, what’s going to be in front of you. I would lay out the plan in front of them because that helps- really it helps everybody, but it especially helps those, those anxious filled.

Karlie Duke (13:24)
Mm -hmm.

Tobin Hodges (13:30)
teens and just kind of knowing again teachers are doing this like some of you are probably saying yeah, dummy I do this already, but just kind of being aware of all those things of if you are coming in hot-

it’s going to set them up for a problem, an anxious problem as well. Sometimes that perspective of if a kid is always going to the bathroom in your class or always going to the nurse getting sick or always late on homework, you know, we talk a lot about, you know, at Teen Life about how what they’re bringing to school with them, that might be a time to check in.

And just be like, Hey, you tell me how are you today? I don’t care about work. I don’t care about what’s going on in class. What are you? How are you? Like, where, are you at one to five? And then just kind of checking out. if they, and if they, you know, tell you three, four, five, whatever, and you just kind of move on, or you, or you kind of make a mental note, Hey, they’re not ready yet, or they’re not telling me the truth, or maybe they really are fine. And I need to get over and move past it that kind of thing. And so, just as a school staff, just kind of keep in mind that…

Karlie Duke (14:31)
Mm -hmm.

Tobin Hodges (14:37)
Just as we as adults deal with this stuff on a daily basis, they’re dealing with it tenfold sometimes. And we don’t know the whole story behind it, what they’re going through either. So some tips and takeaways, just some easy things that we can do that we can start today if we wanted to. No matter if you’re a parent, a minister, student, whatever it may be.

Karlie Duke (14:47)
That’s good.

Tobin Hodges (14:58)
point out the things that they are doing well and the things where they are showing bravery through anxiety. if, if you know, I’ll use my son as an example, if I know that my son struggles with those, those interactions, and if I, if I know that he has taken it, taken initiative and done that with his teacher, I immediately point out, Hey, great job on that. Thank you for doing that, that kind of thing. And it just kind of solidifies like not one that’s the kind of behavior that we-

Karlie Duke (15:01)
Mm

Tobin Hodges (15:28)
that I need him to do as a parent, but two, it also solidifies that I’m recognizing that was a hard thing for him to do and it’s okay. And I’m glad that he did it. Yeah.

Karlie Duke (15:34)
Mm -hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (15:38)
And I think too, even like you said, as a teacher and  if I’m assigning a hard test or something that will probably cause these kids anxiety, you know, cause Hey, it’s the, it’s the final exam. And there’s a few kids who will fail this class, you know, maybe let’s make this an environment where even they’re stepping into a calm, think even as a parent, right? Knowing some of these things, knowing some of these anxiety triggers for your kids. And then

Karlie Duke (15:52)
you

Caleb Hatchett (16:05)
being conscious about how even for me, I think back to my dad would take me to get Chick-fil-A breakfast. I could slam a chicken biscuit. And so, that was something I looked forward to and he did it on game days. And that for me, I was always a little anxious on game days. Like it was school. Yes. But also the, you know, going through getting ready for the game and the game itself, we will just, was a, was a trigger for anxiety for me. And I don’t even think he was conscious about it.

But even just something to look forward to and it wasn’t even necessarily- let’s talk about your anxiety today- But it was just something that gave me something to look forward to that kind of helped

ease that day. And so, you know, if you know that there’s a big test coming up or a trigger for anxiety, even just creating a space or something that they can look forward to that day. I also think having conversations with your student on their time, because I look back, you know, in my time as a student, even talking to some parents I have a conversation coming right out of school, hey, how is school, let’s really dissect this day. And if school is an anxious place for them, they’re probably not want to have that conversation

Karlie Duke (16:48)
Hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (17:15)
just leaving that place that caused them anxiety. They’re probably still in fight or flight, still trying to process. And so just creating the right times to have those conversations. I know a parent who brings their dog with them whenever they pick the kids up from school. And that just helps even the conversations in the pickup line immediately, because it’s something that they feel comfortable with and reminds them of home and they feel safe around. And so I think there’s just little ways to create spaces

Karlie Duke (17:21)
Hmm.

Caleb Hatchett (17:44)
that your students feel calm even in, that you can control as a parent. Having those conversations on the time, try most of the time on their end, that works with them after they’ve processed instead of just the fight or flight of leaving school.

Karlie Duke (18:00)
I think too, especially if you’re on a school campus and you’re seeing this at school. One thing, Tobin kind of mentioned this at the beginning, believing the best about your students of if they’re not turning something in or if something went wrong. There are one-offs and there are bad days, but trying to think through there might be a reason for that. Can I start asking questions that are going to get to the bottom of that without being

invasive, but if you have a student who just regularly cannot get assignments turned in on time of, Hey, how’s life at home going right now? Or, Hey, how many, what are your responsibilities? Do you have a job? Are you doing sports? Are you in band? Do you have siblings that you have to pick up and take places after school? Like what is going on in figuring out how you can help them? Or are you worried about this? And is there something I can give you to help you prep ahead of time that’s going to let you know without giving them the answers, but hey,

they’re going to be, I had teachers do this before, which was really helpful before a test. There are going to be three questions that you have to write answers for and they’re gonna be 50 multiple choice. They didn’t necessarily tell me what the answers were, but that way I could get my mind wrapped around of, okay, I at least know what to expect if it’s not like I’m gonna have to sit there and write for an hour. And so thinking of ways that you can help if you have anxious students and maybe if you know you have an anxious student,

And they’ve talked to you about that seeing ahead of time, like, Hey, is there anything I can do that you think would help the class? Don’t put it just on them, but what would help the class feel better about this? And they might have some good ideas that you could use as well. I’m also going to link a podcast episode, especially if you’re a parent and have a student who doesn’t want to go to school.

That kind of talks, dives more into that and how to help them outside of school with school anxiety. So we’ll link that too, if you want to check the show notes.

Tobin Hodges (19:56)
Yeah, and just one last practical thing is it gets really easy to get bogged down in the negative. Just ask them two things that are going well in their life right now. It can be simple. I mean, it could literally be two versus a thousand bad things, but what are two things that are going well? especially with teenagers and boys especially, you’ll get the nothing, nothing’s going, you know, or,

Karlie Duke (20:21)
You

Tobin Hodges (20:22)
I’m at school, so nothing, you know, it’s like, might get angst and, you know, stuff for it, but just, you know, just, I always kind of say, Hey man, what’s a good meal you had lately? You know, then that kind of opens up an easy accessible answer. And so, just those are things that you can do to kind of, cause, we’re just trying to get their brain to think.

Karlie Duke (20:33)
Hmm.

Tobin Hodges (20:43)
positively in it the very minimum get their mind off of what’s causing them anxiety in that situation especially. So those are a couple of practical things that you can do in the car today if you wanted to.

Karlie Duke (20:55)
All right, well, that’s a wrap on this question. So subscribe on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts so you don’t miss our upcoming questions and episodes. And then, like we said at the beginning, please, please send us your questions. We want to know what questions you have and what would be most helpful for you and the students that you are around. So you can reach out on social media or you can email them to podcast@teenlife.ngo – I’ll also link that in the show notes for you to find and we’ll see you next time.

 

Links & Resources:

Karlie Duke
Karlie Duke

Communications Director

Tobin Hodges
Tobin Hodges

Program Director

Caleb Hatchett
Caleb Hatchett

Podcast Host

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