Markers

Markers

I was recently in Oklahoma City to train a group of youth ministers.  With some extra time, I made a stop at the Murrah Federal Building Bombing Memorial and Museum. What caught my eye more than anything else were the two gates erected at either end of the memorial. The first reads 9:01, the minute before the bomb exploded. The second reads 9:03. The explanation marker says it was designed to represent all of the time before the explosion and then the moment healing begins.

Pause for a minute and let it sink in – a gate dedicated to the moment healing began.

Scripture tells about the Israelites erecting stones to remember the crossing of the Jordan. Therapists create memory boxes with clients experiencing grief. People have sentimental key rings or stuffed animals or pieces of jewelry, such as wedding rings, to commemorate major life events.

We call these markers.

Tragic events themselves become markers of pain and loss, forever etched in our memory.  For those of us old enough, we remember exactly what we were doing September 11, 2001.  But for those of us who insist life won’t end in tragedy, it becomes imperative to plant the stones that claim healing.

The impact of a conversation that creates a turn. The tears that finally come when we are allowed to feel our true feelings. The first kind word in a long time. Finally finding a safe space.

What markers will we plant when we decide that our loss will not have the last word?

Unfortunately, creating markers does not always come naturally for me. It was not something I was taught when growing up and have had to learn to navigate on my own. And I have found that, without markers, it is easy to forget.

And yet, despite missing some, the markers I have deeply matter. They remind me of shifts in my life that dramatically changed me. From my wedding day, to the day my girls were adopted, to the people who prayed over me and my child after we heard the doctor say the word “epilepsy.” They are days of change, but more importantly, they are times when healing began.

What are the 9:03 gates in your life? The moment healing began after life took an unexpected turn? Are you pointing out to others the events that may be markers for them when you see it? Are you teaching your children and the youth you interact with to erect markers that help them remember?

Because sometimes children, youth and adults alike all need to know and remember the exact time healing began.

Beth Nichols is Teen Life’s Program Manager. With her background in social work and experience as a mom of 4, her perspective is invaluable.
The Unexpected Loss of a Child with Dana Gage

The Unexpected Loss of a Child with Dana Gage

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We all dread the unexpected, but you never think it could happen to you or your family.

In the final episode of this series on The Unexpected, Dana Gage shares the story of her youngest son, Connor Gage, and his death in 2012. 15-year-old Connor went to the lake for a birthday party and after jumping from the boat dock, did not resurface. The Gage family was completely changed from that day forward, but there is so much more to their story now!

In this emotional and honest interview, Dana shares the story of their family and their continued road to healing. It has not been easy or simple, but the Gage family is striving to live buoyantly in honor of Connor.

In this episode, we talk about grief, the role of social media, water safety, and supporting siblings who have lost loved ones.

If you have experienced the loss of child, or are walking through life with a teen who has lost a loved one, this is the podcast for you. We invite you to join our conversation with Dana Gage.

 

Resources:
In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

About Us

Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Chris Robey

Chris Robey

CEO

Dana Gage

Dana Gage

Special Guest

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The Unexpected Loss of a Parent with Malaya Bizaillion

The Unexpected Loss of a Parent with Malaya Bizaillion

 

We all dread the unexpected – we worry, plan, and avoid it at all costs.

In the first episode of this series, we are talking to Malaya Bizaillion about life after the unexpected happens. At just 9 years old, Malaya lost her mom, Jenny Ross Bizaillion, following an unexpected illness that took her life only 19 days after going to the hospital. Now as a graduating senior in high school, Malaya shares her story with grace and wisdom. Malaya gives hope in the midst of loss and is an incredible voice for teenagers who are living life in the midst of the expected burden of loss.

We talk about grief, heavenly birthdays, grace, and how adults can be helpful.

If you have experienced the loss of parent, or are walking through life with a teen who has a similar experience, this is the podcast for you! We invite you to join our conversation with Malaya Bizaillion.

 

 

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Resources:

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

About Us:

Malaya Bizaillion is 18 and a senior in high school. She will be attending Abilene Christian University in the fall of 2018 to major in Social Work. She is so excited to see what the Lord has in store!

Chris Robey is the CEO of Teen Life. Earlier in his career while working as a youth minister, Chris earned a Masters Degree in Family Life Education from Lubbock Christian University to better equip his work with teenagers and families. Chris’ career and educational opportunities have exposed him to teenagers from a variety of backgrounds. Follow him on Twitter!

Karlie Duke is Teen Life’s Marketing & Development Director, joining Teen Life after graduating from Abilene Christian University with a degree in Communications and a minor in Family Studies. Karlie has worked with teenagers for the past 6 years and is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories. Follow her on Twitter or Instagram!

Have a question?
If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
Don’t Panic about Grief with Beverly Ross

Don’t Panic about Grief with Beverly Ross

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Grief comes in many different forms, but it is something everyone deals with at some point in life. This episode, Chris and Karlie are joined by Beverly Ross to talk about the the basics of grief, what to expect from a grieving teenager and how we can better support teens who are grieving. Don’t panic about grief, there is a way to bring hope and encouragement to difficult circumstances!

[bctt tweet=”It takes courage & bravery to stand with someone in pain – step into what’s uncomfortable. @teenlife_ngo” via=”no”]

In this episode, you’ll find out…

  • Some of the unique ways teenagers deal with grief.
  • Advice about what can be said or done to better walk alongside a teen experiencing grief.
  • Signs that a teen might need to seek help from a professional.
  • Examples of grief-producers, especially for teenagers.
  • How to use the acronym PERS (Physical, Emotional, Relational, Spiritual) to positively cope with grief.
  • Ways we as a community can surround and encourage those who are grieving.

Ask yourself…

  • Am I putting too much pressure on myself to do or say the perfect thing?
  • Could this teenager be talking to someone else if they aren’t talking to me?
  • Am I aware of important dates that I need to remember and recognize?

Go ask a teen…

  • What do you need?
  • What is it like for you right now? Tell me your story.
  • What would you like to do for holidays? How would you like to hold space?

Resources on grief you might like

About Us

Beverly Ross

Beverly Ross

Special Guest

Chris Robey

Chris Robey

CEO

Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Have a question?

If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!

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