Overcoming Low Self-Esteem in Teens

6 Powerful Strategies for Positive Connection

Adolescence is one of the most challenging life stages we experience. There is so much change and new responsibilities. And it also happens to be the years when we are dealing with a surge of hormones and feelings for the first time – all without a fully formed frontal cortex.

Sounds fun, right?!

It is easy to see how low self-esteem in teens could be a problem.

Let’s be honest, it is still a problem as adults! But for teenagers, a misplaced statement, hurtful word, or negative inner monologue can be life-changing.

Here’s an example…

When I was in High School, a well-meaning adult made a comment that has stuck with me for over 15 years. A teacher told me that I could have been a “lipstick model” if my top lip was a little bigger to balance out the bottom.

Writing this now, it sounds silly. And I know this was supposed to be a compliment, but what narrative do you think my teen brain thought?

“My lips are unbalanced.”
“I am imperfect the way I am.”
“If I want to be beautiful, I will have to change myself.”

Do you see how easy it is for something so small to have a lasting impact?

Low self-esteem can stem from trauma, criticism, societal expectations, negative self-talk, and hurtful words (especially attacks on identity).

So what can we do? How can we help teens improve their self-esteem?​

There isn’t an easy answer, especially when we can’t control every single thing teens hear or think in a day, but these tips are a good place to start in combatting low self-esteem!

Believe the best in your teens.

All teens have gifts and strengths. They are worthy and valuable. When we treat them with respect and out of a place of positivity, they are more likely to believe in themselves as well.

Show unconditional love and encouragement.

Don’t only compliment them when they do the big things well. Find small ways every day to point out the good in them. It is even better if you encourage them based on who they are at their core, not simply based on looks or actions.

Speak positively.

I am going to make up a stat here…but let’s say that to combat every negative comment, your teen needs to hear 10 positive comments. This goes back to believing the best, but that will overflow to how you speak to and about them. Make an effort to use positive, life-giving words to teens.

Talk through actions and thoughts in a non-judgmental way.

Failures are an opportunity to grow! Minimize shame by helping them move forward when mistakes are made. Ask good questions and be a resource when they need it.

Model positive self-talk.

This one is tough, but if you have low self-esteem, the teens in your life will also be negatively affected. Make sure that you are careful of the words you use around teens, even when you aren’t talking about them! They pick up on everything. For example, if you make a negative comment about yourself, they might internally ask, “If they think that is ugly, then what do they think of me?”

Challenge negative thought patterns.

When you hear them talk down about themselves or repeat disparaging words, use it as an opportunity to compliment them. If they are hard on themselves, try saying, “Hey, I am not going to let you talk about my friend like that!” We are often meaner to ourselves than to others.

Self-esteem is vital, and we need to do our best to surround teenagers with positivity and support! Find a way to encourage a teen this week with a positive word, thoughtful text, or small celebration. They deserve it!

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