The Importance of Mentorship in Men’s Mental Health

The Importance of Mentorship in Men’s Mental Health

Mentorship can make all the difference.

In a world where men’s mental health is sometimes overlooked, it’s more important than ever to bring attention to the challenges many men face. While recent conversations about mental well-being have begun to chip away at the stigma, there’s still much progress to be made.

To better understand this important issue, we asked some of our male volunteers to open up about their personal experiences with mental health and the role mentorship has played in their lives. Their stories highlight not only the obstacles they’ve faced but also the powerful impact of having mentors who offer support, guidance, and a listening ear.

To guide our conversation, we asked our volunteers three key questions:

1. Can you share about your personal mental health journey and what it has looked like to seek help?

2. Tell us about a mentor or caring adult who showed up for you when you were a teen.

3. What is something you wish you could tell your teenage self?

Let’s take a closer look at these stories and how we can create a more supportive space where men feel encouraged to speak openly about their mental health.

Can you share about your personal mental health journey and what it has looked like to seek help?

Adam Herndon
Group Facilitator at Byron Nelson HS

I remember my dad informing me a long time ago about my grandmother being one of the first people to take anti-depressants in the 1950’s when they were invented. She struggled with depression and several family members have over the years. He wanted me to know it runs in our family and is always worth seeking help if I were to struggle. I’ve had short seasons (usually in the winter) of a couple of weeks to a month of seasonal depression.

It always helps to tell people I’m struggling in those moments even if I don’t need a high level of care. Just simple awareness and support from my friends and family is helpful.

Ty Carter
Group Facilitator at Rosemont Middle School

I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression and have been in therapy for just over a year. I should’ve done it sooner.

Chad Seagle
Group Facilitator at Denton Guyer HS

I sought therapy after a series of breakups that were long-term but weren’t good for me. After talking with someone, I was able to connect dots from my past, gain some tools, and gain confidence in myself that led to my next relationship being super healthy and ultimately us getting married. We’ve been together for 5 years now.

Tell us about a mentor or caring adult that showed up for you when you were a teen.

Adam Herndon
Group Facilitator at Byron Nelson HS

My teenage mentor, Jeff, is still my mentor to this day. The reason he continues to matter is that he has never tried to fix me but has always wanted me to know he was there. He listens well and encourages or reminds me of the more important truths about my identity to this day. I need that at 40 years old in the same way I did at 15 years old.

Ty Carter
Group Facilitator at Rosemont Middle School

My father is an important role model in my life. He’s the hardest working person I know. He taught me the value of earning instead of expecting things to be given to you.

Addison Weaver
Group Facilitator at Haltom HS

I would not be where I am today without strong male role models in my life who showed up and cared in my teen years. My 5th-grade teacher and my middle school history teacher made tremendous impacts in my life- teaching me compassion, hard work, and leadership. We remained in touch through the years, and he even came to my wedding years later!

Chad Seagle
Group Facilitator at Denton Guyer HS

I had a couple of youth pastors that were great listeners. I couldn’t tell you the wisdom they shared with me as I spilled my all-consuming drama, but their consistent presence was felt and I’m forever grateful.

What is something you wish you could tell your teenage self?

Adam Herndon
Group Facilitator at Byron Nelson HS

Your friend group will change MANY times as you go through so many places and seasons in life. Don’t worry so much about what everyone thinks of you, and don’t worry if some friends don’t work out now. You likely will not see them much if ever again.

Ty Carter
Group Facilitator at Rosemont Middle School

If I could give advice to my younger self, it would be- Don’t skip school. Be patient. Seek God.

Addison Weaver
Group Facilitator at Haltom HS

I would tell my teen self, ‘You are seen. You are known. And you are loved.’ I may not always remember the lessons taught, but I remember when adults who cared about me showed up

Chad Seagle
Group Facilitator at Denton Guyer HS

I would tell my teen self that it’s ok to have needs, too. And to set healthy boundaries with friends that are better “takers” than “givers.”

The impact of mentorship and open support for mental health is truly life-changing.

Each of these men shared their experiences with vulnerability, underscoring the importance of both seeking help and offering it to others. From the influence of caring mentors to the strength found in opening up about their mental health journeys, they remind us that no one should have to go through struggles alone.

By encouraging open conversations and providing supportive spaces, we can help more men feel comfortable reaching out. Together, we can foster a culture where mental health is prioritized, support is readily available, and no one feels isolated in their journey.

Because not only does no teen deserve to feel alone, but no adult does either.

Lara Kunkel
Lara Kunkel

Volunteer Coordinator

More Resources You Might Like

The CDC recommends that schools take action to educate teens on improving their mental health. Support Groups are a great solution!
Episode 126 - Teen Support Groups & the X App
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How to Define Group Norms that Teens Will Actually Follow

How to Define Group Norms that Teens Will Actually Follow

Starting with a new group of teens can be hard.

It’s finally here- your first day facilitating a Teen Life group on a new campus.

You fight through the inevitable nerves that come with walking into a middle or high school and find your way to the group room. Students start to trickle in and sit down, many with questions about why they are there, who you are and what on earth a support group is. Phones start being pulled out of pockets to avoid the awkwardness of waiting for everyone to arrive. Some students arrive several minutes past the agreed-upon group start time. You start to dread the next eight weeks, wondering how you can unite and earn the trust of this group of teenagers.

Setting norms as a group creates felt safety.

If you have facilitated a group with Teen Life before, you know how foundational it is to take time at the very beginning to collaborate with students to establish group norms.

Penn Medicine Academy defines norms as “..guidelines for how the team members will interact and communicate. [They] help to clarify the expected behavior of individuals on the team and prevent unnecessary conflict.”

Clear group norms provide felt safety and trust for students and also increase their likelihood of returning to the Support Group. But often, this time can become chaotic, divisive, and ultimately a missed opportunity to create a structured space that will allow the group to flourish.

I wish I could say that in my experience leading groups, I have always done an outstanding job executing this process.

I look back and see missed opportunities for sparking creativity and collaboration in students as well as leaving a gray area in expectations that allowed for distracting behaviors to persist through the following weeks of Group.

(Note to self: middle school students will find every excuse imaginable to “go drink water.” )

I now know to bring this up on week one as something for students to critically think about!

Establishing “rules” versus “norms” will backfire.

As a group facilitator, it is your role to partner with students in establishing the culture and expectations of the group.

Our desire is never to lay down a list of rules and demand that students obey them. We know that this establishes a lack of trust and felt safety and is much more likely to lead to students never returning to Group. On the other end of the spectrum, we don’t want to let students have complete control and establish norms that are not conducive to the overall structure and success of the group OR the limits of the school environment.

So how do you find that sweet spot in the middle that will ultimately have a HUGE payoff for your group?

Asking the right questions can help students set beneficial norms.

A few guiding questions that can be beneficial in providing a framework for establishing group norms and empowering students to take part in this process….

  • What kind of group environment would make you feel the most comfortable and safe sharing and participating?
  • What kinds of behaviors would take away from your group experience or make you feel less safe and willing to participate?
  • What would a positive, impactful group look like for you?

Try utilizing these three questions (adapt to age/population as needed) to group specific norms into overarching categories (ie: Norm: be respectful, specifics: show up on time, do not talk over someone else, no phones during group).

Everyone needs to agree (mostly).

Ensure that students clearly understand the agreed-upon group norms and provide space for questions and discussion.

Norms may not seem like the most glamorous part of your group, but they are truly the first team-building opportunity for your group members to conquer together.

Make sure to document your norms so that they can be referred back to. This can be on a “contract” that students sign together, on a flipchart, on notecards each of the students have, etc.

Bonus: Try having a different group member read/remind everyone of the established norms at the beginning of each group session!

Conclusion

While we want students to have a voice in this process, remember that at the end of the day, you are the adult in the room and you may need to input a few non-negotiable norms such as confidentiality and safety-related norms.

Do you have a creative, engaging practice for establishing group norms that has been your go-to in the past? We would love to hear about it! Send your ideas/tips to program@teenlife.org.

Lara Kunkel
Lara Kunkel

Volunteer Coordinator

More Resources You Might Like

The CDC recommends that schools take action to educate teens on improving their mental health. Support Groups are a great solution!
Episode 126 - Teen Support Groups & the X App
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10 Things to Know Before Graduating High School

10 Things to Know Before Graduating High School

“I wish I’d been taught that before graduating high school.”

That phrase has been a part of my vocabulary on more occasions than I would prefer since entering my “adult” years. We are big supporters and advocates for our public schools, but it is no secret that our schools are faced with a plethora of challenges and lack of resources. Given these shortcomings, we know, realistically, that our schools and teachers simply can’t bear the entire weight of equipping teens for life after high school.

Whether you are a parent of a teenager or an adult who is mentoring teens and cares about their future, you know that it takes a village to prepare teens for adulthood.

Of course, everyone’s life would be easier if there were just a manual for success or a checklist of skills to acquire and accomplishments to achieve.

I don’t have the universal manual for life, but I can offer a few tips based on my own experience.

Here are 10 things to know before graduating

(So that your teen (and you) may ask the question “why didn’t I learn this in high school?” less often than most of us probably have.)

1. Start building a strong network of friends, mentors, and professional connections.

Having a strong network will benefit your teen not only professionally but socially and often financially. Encourage them to take advantage of events on their college campus or within their community that provide opportunities to connect with new people.

2. Stay curious and never stop learning

Never stop learning. Whether it’s through formal education, online courses, or self-directed study, make a commitment to lifelong learning and personal growth. 

3. Prioritize taking care of your mental and physical health.

Entering into a new life phase can have a significant impact on our mental health. Encourage your teen to implement practices such as self-care, seeking support when needed, processing their feelings through writing or therapy, and maintaining their physical health as they take on the new pressures of college or the workforce.

4. It is never too early to start learning about financial literacy.

One of the biggest things I wish I had been more equipped for before graduating high school was how to manage my finances.

I often excused my lack of knowledge during my college years because I was focused on my studies. However, a few practical financial lessons could have saved me a lot of stress if I had learned them a lot earlier. Encourage your teen to take advantage of financial literacy or money management courses, reminding them that they are certainly not alone in feeling like they are not knowledgeable in this area.

5. Whatever their next chapter looks like, encourage your teen to sit down and set some intentional goals for themselves.

The next few years will be pivotal for them and having a sense of direction and purpose will be of the utmost importance in setting them up for long-term success.

6. Step out of your comfort zone and don’t be afraid to try new things.

Whether joining a new club or interest group on campus, finding involvement within a church or spiritual community, or attending a community event, encourage your teen to lean into the unknown and try new things.

7. Sleep and hydration are actually THAT important.

Yes, your teen will continue to scoff at you for possibly a few more years when you remind them that everything will probably be ok if they just get more sleep, drink more water, or eat a little better, but keep at it. I wish I had listened to my mom a lot sooner on this one! 

8. Seek out a mentor.

Whether it is for professional purposes, personal, social, or spiritual, seeking someone out to speak into your life and offer their personal experiences as a guide will be extremely beneficial for your teen as they enter the next chapter. Post-high school can often be a confusing time, full of so much newness and new big decisions to be made.

As your teen enters into this newfound independence, your guidance will still be so greatly needed, but having a variety of other trustworthy voices speaking into their life is a huge benefit for them. 

9. Find a hobby.

The traditional high school setting often provides the structure and opportunities to help teens explore hobbies and interests, but once they walk across the stage and enter into the next phase, it takes much more intentionality and effort to seek out these opportunities.

Encourage them to either find something new they are interested in or continue with the hobby or activity that they were already participating in before graduating. Having a hobby can be an important way to destress and also introduce your teen to a community that shares a common interest.

10. Have fun!

This may sound so simple and might be terrifying to encourage your soon-to-be-leaving-the-nest teenager, but if you can remind your teen that fun is a critical part of life and that there has to be a healthy balance of work and play, they will likely develop a much healthier relationship with these things earlier on. 

If your teen is anything like me, it may take them years after graduating high school for some of the lightbulbs to go off and for them to realize the importance of all of the advice and wisdom you are pouring into them now.

Continue showing up for your teen and having the tough conversations with them and providing guidance.

And as impossible as it may seem, continue to loosen your group and allow them to soar- remembering that “Letting go does not mean not caring about things. It means caring about them in a flexible and wise way.-Jack Kornfield

Lara Kunkel

Lara Kunkel

Volunteer Coordinator

More Resources You Might Like

episode 40: preparing to launch & the sex talk
Episode 55: End of School & Graduation Gifts
Three part image of teens graduation, an hourglass timer, and a cell phone open to the Screen Time App. Text overlay: Ep. 7: Overcoming Obstacles and Graduation

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