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Getting Outside Ourselves

Getting Outside Ourselves

by | Apr 20, 2023 | Blog, Mental Health

I’ve transitioned back to American life after being an expat for extended periods twice now from two different countries. Both times, the change that most impacted me on a daily basis was the difference in time spent outdoors. I found myself longing for the 15 minute walk to the grocery store or the classic Sunday stroll through town or the massive city parks where I had spent evenings and weekends walking and picnicking. In fact, I usually averaged 3-5 miles of walking in a day, without trying to work it in as exercise. Getting outside was easy. It was part of everyone’s daily life.

Most Europeans I know love being outdoors. They make it a priority in their free time. But life itself demands it, no matter what. You simply can’t drive everywhere, which forces you to walk. No matter the weather.

In Texas, we are often ready with an excuse for why it’s not ideal. It’s too hot or too cold or too rainy. There’s nothing forcing us outdoors, and it’s not socially acceptable to be hot and sweaty anywhere outside of a workout.

Let’s take the enormous amount of time we spend on our screens out of the equation. Unless you live in a place like New York City, a day running errands means that you are in the car most of the day. We drive to a place, go inside to complete our task, and return to the car.

But scientists and researchers have long been mounting evidence that being outside is not only good for us. It’s necessary.

It improves our mood and benefits our mental health.

There are 3 main theories why nature is so effective at improving our well-being. The International Journal of Wellbeing has a great article explaining why. But to summarize in layman’s terms, there are 3 main theories:

  • Until the last generation or 2 in the historical timeline, humans spent almost all of their time outdoors. Living the urban life is a pretty recent development. So it stands to reason, that we are biologically attuned to nature.
  • Natural environments capture our attention in a way that allows us to let go and live in the moment.
  • Nature calms us down and give our minds and bodies a chance to recover from stress.
Regardless of the reason, a myriad of studies have been done on various benefits from spending time in nature. They’ve concluded that even minutes of exposure to natural environments can:

One Danish study even found that children who lived in neighborhoods with more green space are 55% less likely to experience mental illness.

So it’s quite clear that spending time in nature is good for us, but how much and how?

In a study done in the UK of nearly 20,000 adults, they found that 2 hours per week gave participants significantly better health and well-being. It didn’t even have to be all at once.

But how?

That depends very much on your family and your lifestyle!

If you have tweens or younger kids in your house, I highly recommend looking into @1000hoursoutside and @wildandfree.co on Instagram or looking for the 1000 Hours Outside book by Ginny Yurich. You’ll be inspired with all the fun ideas and beautiful imagery.

Here are a few more ideas you might like, but I’m sure you’ll find more!
  • Pack a picnic lunch and head to your favorite green space. You can do this even during the week!
  • Visit the closest botanical gardens or arboretum. My family LOVES the Ft. Worth Botanical Gardens. It’s well worth buying the family pass and losing track of time there on the weekends (or some well-deserved PTO).
  • Google hiking trails near you and make it a family adventure or a staycation activity.
  • Go strawberry picking. Or any kind of fruit harvest is delightful! Tell me in the comments in you want local DFW options.
  • Take phone calls outside.
  • Instead of heading to the gym after work, head to the closest walking trail before or after work.
  • If you can, create an outdoor space at home where you can read, have dinner, invite guests. Even teenagers will get excited about this one once they try it!
  • This will sound crazy to Texans, but… even just opening the windows every once in a while can help!

Tell us in the comments what you like to do to get outdoors and where you like to go!

 

 

To read more

Ecotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice
Jordan, M., & Hinds, J. (Eds.), Red Globe Press, 2016

Environmental Neuroscience
Berman, M.G., et al., American Psychologist, 2019

Nature and Mental Health: An Ecosystem Service Perspective
Bratman, G.N., et al., Science Advances, 2019

Nurtured by Nature
Weir, K., American Psychological Association, 2020

​

Kelly Fann

Kelly Fann

Digital Media Manager

Kelly has lived in three countries and worked with teens across the world, encouraging them to pursue their passions and to be kind. She’s been refining messages and telling stories for brands and non-profits since 2009.

Why Apologizing Matters for You and Your Kids

Why Apologizing Matters for You and Your Kids

by | Dec 18, 2022 | Blog, Parenting, Personal Development

I overreacted last week.

I’m sure that seasonal stress and staying up to wrap presents was a factor. I realized about halfway in that my tone was harder than it would usually be, and I softened it. But I hadn’t tempered my initial reaction in the same way and my son was embarrassed. Not so much of me, but in general.

We were walking home and I said, “Hey, I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of those kids. I didn’t mean to.”

He said, “I know.” “I love you,” I said. He said, “I know. I love you, too.” And we talked about why I was worried.

Later, I apologized to the other kid who had been there. He said, “Oh no. You were right. But thanks for apologizing.” And everyone played together at the park for a while.

As parents, it’s hard to keep a neutral tone sometimes. We’re wired to protect and defend our kids. We’re tired and often frustrated. We overreact.

Honestly, even about 2 minutes after it had happened, I could see in my head how I could have handled the situation better. But fight or flight had kicked in before I got there.

The older I get, the more fearless I’ve become in owning and repairing my mistakes. To own the areas where we could have improved and just say I’m sorry. It wasn’t something I learned as a child or a teenager. I was afraid of being wrong. Afraid of talking about it or seeming weak. It wasn’t until well into my twenties that I had the confidence to admit mistakes openly and fully own them. And I’m pretty sure I lost out on deeper connections, better self-esteem, and less shame.

I’m hoping my kids will grow up with the courage to fail and recover again and again. I wasn’t always brave enough to do it.

In my experience, there are a few key factors at play that make us brave in the face of our shortcomings.

  • Feeling loved.
    When kids and teens know that someone loves them unconditionally, they’re more willing to be wrong because their identity isn’t linked to perfection.
  • Recognizing that failure in one moment is not failure as a whole.
    This is often called a “growth mindset.” When we recognize that we can learn from our mistakes, we are better for it and we are more likely to keep trying until we succeed.
  • Realizing that the whole is too important to risk and failure to repair my mistakes would put it at risk.
    At Teen Life, we talk a lot about being shock-proof. For me, this hit home when I started my journey to become a better parent. The stakes are too high to risk that my teenagers might not come to me with big things like drugs, mental illness or pornography. Teens are facing some pretty serious obstacles on their way to healthy adulthood.

    If we overreact to smaller things along the way, how will they trust us with the things they really need help with?

    If they don’t see us recover and repair mistakes, how will they believe that they can do it too?

  • Putting people over pride.
    If we don’t learn to set aside our own pride (or shame) and sincerely apologize, we’re sacrificing relationships. But sincere vulnerability can strengthen them. It’s that simple.

Parenting is hard. It requires us to look in the mirror and own our imperfections- and give ourselves grace. Apologizing is part of that process. So our kids can learn to do the same, too.

Kelly Fann

Kelly Fann

Digital Media Manager

Kelly has lived in three countries and worked with teens across the world, encouraging them to pursue their passions and to be kind. She’s been refining messages and telling stories for brands and non-profits since 2009.

6 Soft Skills for Every Teen

6 Soft Skills for Every Teen

by | Aug 17, 2022 | Blog, Mental Health, Parenting, Personal Development

As the school year revs its engine, it’s easy to get caught up in the hard skills that students need to succeed academically, like STEAM and language skills. But especially after two years of quarantines and unorthodox school routines, it’s also important to hone in on soft skills that will help teens succeed socially.

 

What are soft skills?

Hard skills are measurable skills related to a specific task. Your ability to use a certain kind of software or diagnose a disease are hard skills. They will get you a job.

Soft skills are a group of abilities that allow a person to be more productive in every aspect of their lives: skills like empathy, self-control, and grit. Soft skills will get you promoted.

Just like academic skills, soft skills, especially social ones, build on themselves over time. Don’t try to cram them all into one conversation. But look for opportunities to model and teach good habits like these that will point your teenager toward long-term success in school, in business, and in life.

 

Here are 6 lessons that every student can benefit from.

  • A handshake and a smile go a long way.
    I didn’t learn this until I went to college, where I was fortunately surrounded by others who had learned and showed me the way. I’m sure you’ve experienced this too, but I’m often surprised at how quickly a situation can go from awkward to fun when I offer my hand and introduce myself.
  • Limit the time you spend on people who bring more drama than joy to your life.
    It’s not that things don’t happen or that you shouldn’t support your friends. But if you find yourself constantly trying to figure out why your friend is mad at you or how you can make reparations, reconsider the amount of time you have to dedicate to that friend.
  • “You don’t make friends. You find friends.” Dr. Lisa Damour
    This one is two-fold. If you are busy finding friends, you don’t have as much time to worry about whether or not you’ll be left out. Also, find the people who inspire you. Hopefully, they will help you become your best version of yourself too.
  • Don’t be afraid to fail. It’s a valid step on the path to success.
    As a recovering perfectionist, I fail at this regularly. However, I vividly remember a conversation with my dad during the college selection process, which rendered me a nervous wreck, where he told me it was ok to choose one and decide later it wasn’t for me. I can’t tell you how much better that made me feel. Sometimes we all need a reminder.
  • Ask for help when you need it.
    More people are willing to help you than you think; everyone needs help sometimes! When we learn to ask for help, we build relationships and emotional support, too. It even makes it easier for others to ask for help when they see it modeled for them. It’s a win-win-win.
  • Make eating healthy and sleep priorities. There’s no substitute for good health.
    There are countless studies on this one. Lack of sleep hinders your ability to make good choices, remember things, drive a car, and so much more. You cannot replace sleep with caffeine, good hydration, exercise, or pills. There is no substitute.

Of course, there are many other soft skills that we hope your teen is learning! Time management, healthy screen habits, and managing emotions are a few that come to mind.

Be sure to tell us in the comments which soft skills you have benefitted the most from! Which ones are you teaching your teenagers?

Kelly Fann

Kelly Fann

Digital Media Manager

More Resources You Might Like

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If you’re present, they will come.

If you’re present, they will come.

by | May 25, 2022 | Blog, Parenting

In March of 2020, I knew the names of a lot of my neighbors. We’d lived in our house for over 4 years, and we’d always walked a lot around our neighborhood. We have the kind of neighborhood where a lot of people sit on their front porch or stop us to ask if the boys would like to pet their dog. So, we probably knew the names of a few people on every street- in a casual, hello-and-goodbye sort of way.

I knew the names of my immediate neighbors but rarely saw them for more than a few minutes at a time.

And then suddenly, we were home. And all we had to do was walk. As a consequence, we were always outside, and very often, if we weren’t walking, we were camped out in our garage or on our driveway.

If anyone appeared in our alleyway for any reason, we were ready with enthusiastic hellos and nothing but time.

It didn’t happen overnight.

But in a long series of waves and hellos, we made friends. They brought their vacation pictures from 20 years ago to show us the time they were in Rome. We traded halves of cakes, loaves of bread, and cups of sugar.

We watched the people on our street change and new people arrived. There we were with baked goods and enthusiastic hellos, and more to the point, availability.

We don’t know everyone the same, but our relationships are deeper. More meaningful. More connected.

Somewhere in the middle, people went back to the office or back to restaurants and stores, but they also started coming over and cracking the front door to call in when they knew we were home. People who have little in common with us except for location became friends.

I tell you this story to say this:

You may feel like you have nothing in common with teens. Like they don’t want you around or don’t want to talk. But the number one quality that will draw them in and keep them coming back is availability.

Your un-pressured, unhurried, undivided presence.

It may seem impossible for any number of reasons. But if you build it, they will come.

Make tea, grab a book, and wait where they will be, ready with an enthusiastic hello and nothing but time.

Our former CEO, Chris Robey, told us a story about tech breaks once. One day, he was walking into a support group he was leading when he realized he had left his phone in his car by accident. He usually set his phone to “do not disturb”. However, he found that he was more present and a better listener without it. He wasn’t wondering whether he needed to answer a text or how much time they had left. In short, he was more available, physically and mentally.

After that group, he started leaving his phone on purpose. If it’s as easy as removing the distraction, why not?

A huge part of availability is removing distractions and showing up!

Here are a few tips for setting the stage:

Set aside time every day.

Leave space in your schedule that you are intentional about putting your phone away.

Don’t take it personally if it seems like they don’t have time or don’t care.

It definitely matters to them, but sometimes, at the moment, they don’t recognize it.

Be wherever your teen will find you.

Pick a common area where you can read a book, fold laundry, do a crossword puzzle, or do anything else that doesn’t require a screen. If you aren’t present, it’s harder to be available. As a bonus, slowing down sets a great example and is good for your mental health.

Create opportunity.

Invite your teen to do something they enjoy regularly. Ask them for help with something you don’t know how to do. Ask them to go for a walk around the block. If you continue to seek them out, they are more likely to do the same.

Be emotionally present.

When appropriate, talk about your feelings and ask them about theirs. Get curious about what makes them tick.

Be shock-proof no matter what.

You might not get a second chance if they don’t feel like they can trust you with hard things.

​If you haven’t been readily available before now, creating trust will take time. But trust me, if you stay consistent, they will come.

Consider the time you spend now on availability an investment in your relationship. Over the long term, the payoff is most likely better than you expect it will be!

Kelly Fann
Kelly Fann

Digital Media Manager

Ep. 39: Athletics & Monetization of Youtube

Ep. 39: Athletics & Monetization of Youtube

by | Jan 25, 2022 | Mental Health, Parenting, Podcast, School

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Summary:
Josh Duke joins Karlie for a coach’s perspective on how to make the most of school athletics for teenagers. Whether your teen is the star player or a bench warmer, his practical advice will help you manage expectations and improve your player’s game. Josh and Karlie also explore the monetization of YouTube- how channels build and lose revenue and who the key players are.

In this episode, we mentioned or used the following resources:

Have a question? If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
About Us:
Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Karlie was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and has always had a heart for teenagers and the vulnerable life stage they are in. She has a wealth of experience to share from working with teens in ministry and leading support groups.
Josh Duke

Josh Duke

Athletic Director, Grace Preparatory School

Josh Duke is the Athletic Director, Head Boys Varsity Basketball Coach, and Head Golf Coach at Grace Prep Academy in Arlington, TX. After graduating from Grace Prep, Coach Duke went to Abilene Christian University where he graduated before continuing to get his Masters in Sports Management from Dallas Baptist University. He is married to Karlie, and they have two children, Sawyer and Janie.

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