The 5 “A’s” of Connection

The 5 “A’s” of Connection

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In this episode of the Stay Calm, Don’t Panic! Podcast, Chris Robey is joined by Beverly Ross to discuss how we can increase our connection with teenagers. Beverly offers five easy ways to get better at connecting with others. As an expert in the counseling realm, Beverly’s wisdom is invaluable! Let’s work on making our homes, classrooms, and churches safe places for connection.

There should be more a voice of gratitude in my home than a voice of correction.
Beverly Ross

In this episode, Beverly Ross discusses increased connection with others through…

  1. Attention
  2. Appreciation
  3. Affection
  4. Affirmation
  5. Acceptance

Ask yourself…

  • Am I being fully present?
  • Am I being more appreciative of myself so I can appreciate others?
  • How can I better show gratitude and focus on the good in teenagers?

Go ask a teen…

  • When are the times that you feel I am not present?
  • When do you feel appreciated by me? How can I better show when I appreciate you?

In this episode, we mention or use the following resources on connecting with others.

About Us

Karlie Duke

Karlie Duke

Director of Communications

Chris Robey

Chris Robey

CEO

Beverly Ross

Beverly Ross

Special Guest

Have a question?

If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!

Let’s be friends.

Lessons from “The Bad Kids”

Lessons from “The Bad Kids”

I am a huge fan of Netflix. In the mood for a comedy, drama, thriller or documentary? You can choose from thousands of TV shows and movies. While I typically watch Netflix for personal gain, I recently came across a documentary called The Bad Kids (you can also find it on iTunes and Amazon). I’ll confess – I am not a documentary person. Give me fiction and fairy tales all day! But this particular documentary intrigued me because I work with students just like the ones highlighted in this film. I work with “The Bad Kids” every week, and I wanted to see what I could learn from the heart and work of someone halfway across the country.

Before I go any farther, I would like to make a disclaimer that this post is not endorsing this film, saying that I agree with every part of documentary, or even asking you to go watch it. While an accurate portrayal of this population of students, there is extreme language used throughout the film. That being said, I found value in the methods and practices used by the film and believe that it is worth my time to share what I learned!

On their website, The Bad Kids summary is:

At a remote Mojave Desert high school, extraordinary educators believe that, more than academics,
it is love, empathy and life skills that give at-risk students command of their own futures. This coming-of-age
story watches education combat the crippling effects of poverty on the lives of these so-called “bad kids.”

It is so refreshing to see the media recognize excellent educators and administrators for the difficult work they do with students each and every week. We have the privilege of working with counselors, principals, teachers and staff who also believe that love, empathy and life skills can make a huge difference in the lives and academic careers of students – that is why they partner with us!

In this film, you see students who are in a tough place and deal with circumstances that most adults would struggle with. There is teen pregnancy, sexual assault, substance abuse, absent parents and so much more that they face in addition to their school responsibilities. There is no question that these “bad kids” have difficult lives (both by personal choices and unavoidable tragedy), but the Black Rock Continuation High School chooses to step in for these students who are at risk of dropping out of school completely.

While watching this film, I saw several important tactics that can not only benefit the work done with at-risk students but can be applied to any relationship with a teenager. One thing I have found in my work with Teen Life is that you don’t have to be a “bad kid” to desire love, empathy and help with challenges.

 

Teens need empathy.

For a refresher on empathy, please read my last blog post on the subject! But this documentary fully supports how much empathy and a listening ear matters to teenagers. At this particular High School, Principal Vonda Viland is a superb example of what empathy looks like and how it can affect a relationship. Students trust her, are honest with her and seek out her advice because they know that she will listen. And she doesn’t always have the answers. Sometimes, she admits that their life is difficult. And instead of subjecting them to a lecture she asks simple questions like, “What do you think needs to change? How would that decision affect your life? What needs to happen for you to get motivated?”

Empathy is a powerful tool.

Teens need to be held to a high standard.

Is life challenging for these teenagers or any teen in general? Absolutely. But they do not need to be babied or held to lower standards because of it. When you treat a teenager with respect and clear standards, they are more likely to rise to the occasion. I love that Principal Viland does not hold back any punches with her students. From their first day on her campus, she tells them what is expected and what the consequences are if these expectations are not met. She is not going to hold their hand, drag them out of bed or force them to come to school. But to stay in her school, students have to play by her rules and most do. In the film, you see so many students thrive under this straightforward approach. They know what to expect and what is expected of them.

When held to a high standard, teenagers have the opportunity to live up to their potential.

Teens need motivation.

Teens can be stubborn – but can’t we all? Most of the time, they don’t want to do something if it won’t benefit them in some way. And I understand that. I remember the frustrating days of learning about geometry and astronomy and wondering, “Will I ever use this information again?” What I love about The Bad Kids is that the teachers make an effort to put what they are learning into context for each student. For example, one of the boys loves music and playing his guitar but hates math. He is struggling and doesn’t see the point. Instead of getting defensive or giving up, his teacher puts it in perspective – you need math to play music. As she explains this concept, it clicks. He just needed the motivation to see past his current frustration and situation.

Motivation and inspiration could be the difference in a student graduating and dropping out.

 

Teens need celebration.

We need to celebrate our teenagers better! They are more likely to repeat good behavior when it is praised than to stop negative behavior when it is punished. Let’s be a positive force for our teens and get excited when they accomplish a goal. Principal Viland shows this all throughout the film. She celebrates when they come to school on a consistent basis. She even hands out certificates for completing credits and recognizes hard work in front of the entire school. She tells them when she sees improvements and recognizes when they avoid old habits. Celebration can be a small thing, but even something as small as a $5 gift card makes a huge impact on a teen who is trying to survive.

May we not get caught up in the bad things teens do, but intentionally look for ways to celebrate the good things!

Karlie Duke was in one of Teen Life’s original support groups and now is our Communications Director. She is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories.
4 Ways Our Teen Friends Teach Us Courage

4 Ways Our Teen Friends Teach Us Courage

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 In this episode of the Stay Calm, Don’t Panic! Podcast, Chris Robey and Sarah Brooks discuss how adults can learn valuable lessons about courage and inner strength from teenagers. Teens are uniquely equipped and positioned to make a difference in the world. It is easy for us as adults to press our own agendas on teenagers, but maybe it is time to learn something from them! Take a listen to this awesome conversation and walk away with some insight into the awesome lives of teenagers. 

[bctt tweet=”Teens stand up bigger and faster to injustice than adults do. // via @sarahbrooks13 & @dontpanictalk” via=”no”]

In this episode, Sarah Brooks discusses teenagers’ ability to teach…

  1. Courage to explore and be uniquely you.
  2. Courage to make friends.
  3. Courage to change the world.
  4. Courage to tell the truth.
Ask yourself…
  • What can I learn from teen courage?
  • How can I be intentional about diversifying my own relationships?
Go ask a teen…
  • How do you show courage in your everyday life?
  • What do you think it would take for the world to look better?
Resources:

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

About Us:

Sarah Brooks is a blogger, mom of 3 boys and social media expert! She has spoken across the country at various groups, churches, and schools about social media (the good, the bad, and the confusing), most of which stemmed from a post she wrote called Parents: A Word About Instagram. As a Millenial herself, she is passionate about bridging the gap between parents and teens. Follow her on Twitter or Instagram!

Chris Robey is the Program Director for Teen Life. Earlier in his career while working as a youth minister, Chris earned a Masters Degree in Family Life Education from Lubbock Christian University to better equip his work with teenagers and families. Chris’ career and educational opportunities have exposed him to teenagers from a variety of backgrounds. Follow him on Twitter!

Karlie Duke started working as Teen Life’s Communications Director after graduating from Abilene Christian University with a degree in Communications with a minor in Family Studies. Karlie has worked with teenagers for the past 5 years and is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories. Follow her on Twitter or Instagram!

Have a question?
If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
3 Ways Stress Can Make Life Better

3 Ways Stress Can Make Life Better

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 In this episode of the Stay Calm, Don’t Panic! Podcast, Chris Robey and Ricky Lewis discuss the role of stress in the lives of teenagers and how stress can actually be beneficial. Unfortunately, stress is an unavoidable part of life, but Ricky gives great insight into how we can use stress to make life better. Don’t get caught up in stress, instead let’s be better equipped to see it as a positive part of life!

[bctt tweet=”Teens need to face their stress, learn to cope with it and move on from it. // via @r_lewis & @dontpanictalk” via=”no”]

In this episode, Ricky Lewis discusses…

  1. Stress is always a part of life.
  2. Your belief about stress determines how it effects you.
  3. Too much stress can be detrimental.
Ask yourself…
  • Have I noticed a significant change in the life of my teenager?
  • How can I help teens better cope with stress?
  • How can I help them see stress as a positive?
Go ask a teen…
  • How much stress do you think you can handle? What are you going to choose to handle?
  • How could stress be seen as positive?
  • Do you have a plan for how to handle the stress in your life?
Resources:

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

About Us:

Ricky Lewis, Executive Director for Teen Life, draws on his experience working with teenagers combined with actively learning about effective coping skills for teenagers over the past 15 years. His experiences in youth ministry and with Teen Life have led to a unique perspective and approach to helping teens be equipped to handle difficulties in their life. Follow him on Twitter!

Chris Robey is the Program Director for Teen Life. Earlier in his career while working as a youth minister, Chris earned a Masters Degree in Family Life Education from Lubbock Christian University to better equip his work with teenagers and families. Chris’ career and educational opportunities have exposed him to teenagers from a variety of backgrounds. Follow him on Twitter!

Karlie Duke started working as Teen Life’s Communications Director after graduating from Abilene Christian University with a degree in Communications with a minor in Family Studies. Karlie has worked with teenagers for the past 5 years and is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories. Follow her on Twitter or Instagram!

Have a question?
If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!
4 Ways the “Check-In” Transforms Relationships

4 Ways the “Check-In” Transforms Relationships

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 In this first episode of Season 3 of the Stay Calm, Don’t Panic! Podcast, Chris sits down with Dr. Mark DeYoung to talk about the importance and power of the check-in. Talking to teenagers is about more than just getting information, it can build relationships and help them find their own identity. You don’t want to miss these tips on how to make the most of the check-in!

[bctt tweet=”It is in empathy that teens start to understand who they are. // @drmarkdeyoung & @dontpanictalk”]

In this episode, Dr. Mark DeYoung discusses…

  1. The importance of the check-in for building relationships.
  2. How empathy can help teens shape their own self identity.
  3. The benefit of asking teens how they are doing as a regular part of routine.
  4. How to best deal with answers like “I don’t know” and “I’m just fine.”
Ask yourself…
  • Am I asking questions or making statements?
  • Do I have an agenda when asking this question? Or am I just seeking to understand?
  • Is this a good time to have a conversation? Or should I try again later?
Go ask a teen…
  • What was your favorite part of your day?
  • Was there something that made you laugh today?
  • How upset/happy did that make you feel on a scale of 1 to 10? What makes it that number? Can you tell me a little more?
Resources:

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

About Us:

Dr. Mark DeYoung is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over eighteen years experience counseling and helping families and children. His BA is in Human Resources, and Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. He completed his PhD in Child Development in the spring of 2008. He currently provides In-Home counseling services for families in the Fort Worth region of North Texas. His private practice includes the following counseling services: Marriage Therapy, Family Therapy, Foster family therapy, Adoption work, Parenting support and coaching.

Chris Robey is the Program Director for Teen Life. Earlier in his career while working as a youth minister, Chris earned a Masters Degree in Family Life Education from Lubbock Christian University to better equip his work with teenagers and families. Chris’ career and educational opportunities have exposed him to teenagers from a variety of backgrounds. Follow him on Twitter!

Karlie Duke started working as Teen Life’s Communications Director after graduating from Abilene Christian University with a degree in Communications with a minor in Family Studies. Karlie has worked with teenagers for the past 5 years and is passionate about encouraging students to live better stories. Follow her on Twitter or Instagram!

Have a question?
If you have a question about something you heard or just want to give us some feedback, please leave us a comment below.  We would love to hear from you!